My Oh My.

I have a message for all of you young women under the age of 35:

If you think you like sex now...just wait.

Without going into too much detail, I have to tell you that somewhere in my mid to late thirties, it became more intense. More out of control. The desire, the hunger is different. Closer to what I imagine it's like for young men. Abstinence has physical and emotional consequences. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking "Oh I'm already very sexual, you just must be a late bloomer".

Again, I say...just wait.

The other thing I've noticed is that the type of man I am attracted to has changed as well. During my teenage years, I was attracted to the bad boy type. It was fun while it lasted, but after a few heartbreaks, the phase passed. Eventually, as I became more interested in finding a mate, I was much more attracted to intelligent men with warm personalities. Men with full, accomplished lives.

But lately I think my inner cavewoman is coming out. I find myself inexplicably drawn to the big, strong, silent type. The type of man that oozes testosterone. Not the bad boys of my adolescent years- the confident, strong, very masculine type. If they are chivalrous, or have a soft spot towards children, my level of attraction goes off the charts.

A good example of this is my recent celebrity crush on Trace Atkins. (In order to admit this I have to admit my guilty pleasure of being one of the two people that watched the Celebrity Apprentice.) Anyway, trust me when I say I typically do not go for the cowboy type. Or southern men in general. In fact, they are usually a turn off for me. So why does Trace catch my eye? Hmmmm. Is it his size? His very deep voice? His quiet confidence and strength? Or his gentleness towards his little daughters?

Uh. Yeah.

I also find it strange that the man I was seeing off and on for the past several months is a cop. Yup. That's right. A cop. Usually such a job would be a deal breaker for me. (I can be a bit shallow that way.) But this cop-friend just exudes masculinity when he walks into a room. I feel girly when I'm with him. My hair feels softer, my fingernails look prettier. My soft curves feel like perfection. His nickname for me is "girlie". How appropriate.

I have my theories about what is causing this frantic phase of my life. But I'd rather not dwell on that. I just want to enjoy it.

**Sigh** Amazing.

David Cook's incredibly unique version of Billie Jean. Who knew a Michael Jackson song could be so sexy?

Battle of the Sexes- Heating Up?

The battle between men and women has been going on for as long as I can remember. And from what I hear, it's always been there.

For most of my life, I have heard 'man-hating' rhetoric from women in a variety of situations. Typically, it's complaints about how they are in relationships and marriage. Complaints about their commitment-phobia, their wandering eye, their lack of appreciation for the women in their lives, they don't help around the house or with the kids, etc. I've been guilty of talking on this blog about some of the disgusting or silly behavior of men. Have you seen or heard any of your women friends talk about the losers they see online? Or the nightmare dates they have had? We commiserate about how clueless the other gender can be.

I've also heard it in the form of complaints about equal rights. We don't get paid as much. We get less opportunity. Men rule the world and make the decisions. Of course, as I've gotten older, a lot of these concerns have improved. The scales are more balanced than at any other time in history.

So as the gender roles have become more equal, I'm noticing a back lash. The men have had enough. They are pissed. And for the first time that I can remember, I'm starting to hear/read about 'woman-hating' rhetoric filled with venom.

There's a growing wave of player talk out there. Openly talking about how best to manipulate a woman in order to get sex. What games to play. How and when to use them. Some of this is tongue in cheek, but still there is a tone of true anger. A wave of resentment towards those women striving for professional and financial success. Resentment that women don't really need them anymore. So the effort to minimalize our worth is increasing.

There's a new trend of taking a grain of biological, historical truth and pushing it to the extreme.

We all know:

Women want security. They are more likely to get this from successful accomplished men.

Men want sex. They prefer to get this from young, beautiful women.

So the new trend is to twist these truths and make them as hurtful and devious as possible. Women who have waited until later in life for marriage and family are talked about and written about with disdain. The fact that many of us have yet to find our life partner is being used against us. Well, not against us specifically. We (women my age or older) are being held up as examples to younger women as "what to look out for". If they aren't careful, they will end up just like us.

In other words, fear tactics are being used against younger women to try to push them back towards more traditional roles. To make men a priority again. To realize that their sexual shelf life is about 7-12 years. (I think the worst I have heard is that women are only worth anything from the ages 18 until 24.) Unfortunately, this type of rhetoric taps directly into women's biggest insecurity: how we look, and how desirable we are.

Where is this headed? Will we figure this all out? Will we ever find a way to fit our gender roles together in a way that meets everyone's needs? Or will the battle go on forever?

Girl Talk

The following is a summary of a conversation I have had two or three times over the past week with different bff's...



BFF: So how was your trip?

Me: It was fun! I had a great time.

BFF: And how did it go with him?

Me: Great, as usual.

BFF: So you got along OK? It wasn't weird or anything?

Me: Nah, not weird at all. We reconnected pretty quickly- it felt comfortable, natural to be with him. We had a great time. We just fit- I feel happy when we are together.

BFF: Was there any passion?

Me: It was toned down a bit, but it was there. It had been so long since we'd seen each other! I felt like we were more focused on just enjoying being together. Hanging out. Site-seeing. Talking, relaxing. Just 'being', you know?

BFF: But were you still sexually attracted to each other?

Me: Oh yeah.

BFF: So how did you leave things?

Me: What do you mean?

BFF: Are you getting back together?

Me: We live thousands of miles apart. We didn't really talk about that. It seems to be filed under "not an option". We did talk about how I've been thinking of moving out there, but we both talked about how that made us a bit nervous.

BFF: How?

Me: Because we like each other so much. Like being together, like sleeping together. I'm nervous that if I moved too close to him, we'd be tempted to spend too much time together. Then I definitely would want to get back together. He seemed to agree with what I was saying.

BFF: Wait, and wanting to get back together is a bad thing?

Me: It's bad because I don't want to want something that isn't going to happen.

BFF: I still don't get it.

Me: I'm not sure, you'd have to ask him. I've assumed that we didn't work out because he was looking for something "more". But every time I have asked him about it, he says that wasn't it. He says it's because he didn't have the right attitude about it.

BFF: But you said he's been working on his attitude about relationships.

Me: Well, yeah. So he can do better with the next relationship he has.

BFF: Something must be there since you are still so connected to each other. Is he in love with you?

Me: I believe he is. Each time I see him, I believe it more.

BFF: So what you're telling me is he loves you, you love him, you're like best friends, you have a great time together, you feel attraction and passion for each other, and you are both separately banging your heads against the wall frustrated that you can't find someone to have a relationship with?

Me: Yeah, I guess that's kinda what I'm saying.

BFF: You're both insane. He's nuts that he can't see what he has, and you're nuts because you let it continue like this.

Me: I know, I know.

I Still See You

I don't think about you every day, anymore. Or even every few days. Probably more like once a week or so. I have no idea if this is normal, but nothing about us was ever normal.

The odd thing is, I often see pieces of you in other people. And it usually takes me by surprise, in the weirdest places:

*An old Bruce Willis movie-it's that sexy smirk thing he does!

*Watching an episode of October Road and seeing Armand Assante. How is it possible that he has your eyes?

*One of the oddest was watching a recent episode of American Idol. Yeah, seriously. One of the guys looks JUST like you, but only when he's singing! The first time I saw him I was immediately and abruptly transported back in time. You were singing karaoke to me and Max in the living room.

*What freaks me out most, is when I hear your voice. Of course, I don't completely remember the sound of your voice, but every once in a great while I hear someone that makes me remember exactly what you sounded like. This happened a few weeks ago. In a deli. In the Bronx. He had that raspy, low, New York sound that never appealed to me before or since! As he stood behind me in line talking non-stop to pretty much everyone in the place, I had to smile.

They say it gets better with time. It does. But it never, ever, goes away.

Seeking the Blue

I went to California for business and was able to fit in some pleasure. It was a truly fulfilling experience.

I was longing for blue- clear blue sky, inviting blue ocean. Southern California truly delivered.

In my life-long quest to pursue and develop true connections with others, this trip provided the unique opportunity to renew, strengthen, establish connections in various contexts.

On the business front, I met some new people that could possibly lead to additional business opportunity. And I renewed a contact in the hopes of getting new work. My professional confidence was strengthened as I felt that the people I met with truly gained value from meeting with me (so it wasn't simply one-sided).

On the personal front, I was able to take additional steps to establish what I think will be a quality, soul-connecting friendship with a woman I have been casual friends with for a couple years. I was able to renew contact with two women I met on my Costa Rica vacation. And I was able to have real, quality, heart-to-heart bonding time with one of my most cherished loved ones.

**Deep Exhale Breath**

As a single woman living (and working) alone, there are times when I spend a lot of time by myself. I'm generally not lonely, I have a very active social life, and my business keeps me interacting with people pretty consistently. But sometimes, when I spend several days in a row connecting with people on a true level- it just feels so satisfying. Like a wonderful meal of comfort food when you are really hungry.

Wow.

It's really quiet in my house right now.