Commencement

Last weekend I attended my cousin/godson's graduation from Carnegie Mellon. (Interesting side note: I find it ironic that I'm a godmother since I'm no longer a practicing Catholic or a Christian for that matter! I haven't shared that news with my godson yet, since I'm supposed to be his "Christian role model".)

I was incredibly proud of this young man's accomplishments. John is outgoing, funny, good looking, popular, and incredibly hard working and intelligent. He received four degrees: three bachelor degrees and one master's degree. He finished it in five years. The degrees had something to do with computers and biotech. And he already has a top notch job secured with a large financial company in Manhattan. Absolutely amazing.

The feeling at this graduation ceremony was different than those I attended when I was college age. Very different from my own. I remember graduation ceremonies were filled with talk of pride and celebration, endings and beginnings. But there was also a parallel message: you can accomplish what you want- but you'll have to work for it. You'll have to earn it. Pay your dues. But you can do it, and you'll be great!

Now, I'm not sure if it's indicative of the times, or this particular university, but the overall feel was much different. Yes there was pride and celebration. Talk of endings and beginnings. Bill Cosby was the entertaining key note speaker. But the underlying message I heard was: Isn't the world lucky to have you! Wait until they see all the great talent you bring! There was a message of expectation, and dare I say, entitlement.

I have felt for awhile that the younger end of my generation (I'm on the older side of Gen X), and the one behind us, has had some issues with entitlement. But to hear these messages being delivered by well respected elders and mentors made me think: why are we setting these kids up this way? Perhaps it's because it was such an academically competitive school, and chances are most of these graduates will have a pretty easy time of it out there in the real world. I don't know. I just know that lack of effort seems to be growing, and it makes me wonder where we are headed.

OK, enough of that. I know where I am headed. Off to Spain tomorrow! :) Adios!

Countdown!!!!

Seven Days 'til Spain!!!!

I'm so excited :)

I will be going to Valencia and Barcelona...Have you ever been there? Any recommendations? Is the food awesome? Are the beaches amazing? The men hot?

I need to practice my Spanish!!!!

Tired of the Cliche

I don't want to be the stereotypical woman that doesn't get along with her mom. So I'm in the midst of trying to define what the relationship can look like for me.

Last week, when I went shopping for a Mother's Day card, I had a terrible time finding anything. They were all filled with very strong sentiments... Things like-

"You're not just my mother, you're my best friend."

"I'm so glad that you've always been there for me."

"I just have to let you know how truly amazing you are."

"Whenever things are crazy, I know I can call you."

"Your strength and courage have helped me get to where I am today."

Huh?

Really?

Is that how mother-daughter relationships are?

What happens if it wasn't like that? My mother was never abusive or physically neglectful. She made sure that her children had whatever she could provide for them. In fact, becoming a mother was her #1 goal in life. It's the primary reason she married my father. (I hate it when she says that in front of him, as if it's no big deal.)

She made sure I was involved in whatever activities I was interested in. She always made me feel that there wasn't anything I couldn't do if I set my mind to it (as long as it wasn't too "silly"). Because of her and my Dad, I had no idea that it was technically a "man's world". She showed up at every teacher meeting, dance recital, softball game etc. (I've heard from her many times that her mom didn't do that for her.)

But she was never my friend. She never understood my emotions or thoughts, and really didn't seem to want to. Bottom line is that I've never felt truly accepted and supported by my mom since my life has not taken the path that she preferred. She's not going to change- her values are her values, her beliefs are her beliefs, and she will forever measure me against them.

So knowing all that, how do I get to a place of enjoying her? Or even liking her? I have brief moments where I can put all my negative feelings aside and just accept her as she is and love her for doing her best. But it doesn't last. And I'd like to make it last- especially while I still have her. She's still very young (early 60's), so there is still the potential for a long lasting, fulfilling relationship.

I would love to hear about the dynamics of your relationship with your mom. Any secrets of success you can share?

Too Old to Rock and Roll

Last weekend was our annual siblings weekend.

Let me set the stage:

I am the oldest and the only girl of four siblings. Several years ago, we started a tradition of attending the HFStival together. For those of you that don't know, that's a two-day multi-band concert festival.

We've seen Eminem, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Billy Idol, Joan Jett, The Cure, The Fixx, and many, many more. The festival is usually more alternative rock music than anything else. Typically there are a lot of crowds, a lot of drinking, and other sorts of substances being used around us. Crowd surfing, mosh pits, and flashing breasts are usually part of the entertainment. My brothers are very much the beer drinking, football watching, loud music types.

We began this tradition about 10 years ago. Now we are 30, 33, 37, and 40.

This year we decided to try a different festival. It's called Bamboozle. And it was held in the Meadowlands' parking lot last weekend. 50,000 people attended.

Did I say people? I meant kids. And their parents. And us.

Now, I'm not saying it wasn't a good time. Spending the weekend with my brothers is always fun. Lots of reminiscing and bonding. Catching up, etc. It did crack us up that we just might be getting too old for this particular type of event. Take a look at the signs:

1. When the lineup list was published, we only recognized about two names on the list. One of those names was Weird Al. (There were about 60 bands).

2. As we pulled up to the stadium the guy that was directing the parking lot traffic asked my brother "Are you here for the races?" "No." "Are you dropping off kids?" "No." "Staying?" "Yes." "Really?"

3. When the crowd surfing began (this is when kids climb up over the crowd and rely on the people below them to carry them over the heads of the crowd), my youngest brother says "Someone's going to fall on this concrete and crack their head open!" I say to him "Welcome to your thirties!"

4. A young man says to me "Nice tits, ma'am."

5. Various concert attendees approach me asking things like "Ma'am, do you have any suntan lotion we could borrow?" and "Ma'am, would you happen to have any aspirin on you?" And I did. In my mom-purse, of course.

6. My 33 year old brother says "I know I'm getting old for this when I don't even really notice the young hot girls. I'm busy checking out their moms."

7. Instead of planning which bands we want to catch, we make sure we incorporate "sitting down time" in our day.

8. We leave the festival about an hour early on both nights and head home (an act completely unheard of in years past). When we get there, one brother spends an hour soaking his sore feet in a footbath.

9. Instead of participating in the mosh pits like in the past, my football-player-size brothers spend their time rescuing others from the pit.

10. A performer from "our day" (MC Hammer) is well received as a nostalgic, tongue-in-cheek bit of a joke. And yes the kids formed mosh pits during "Too Legit to Quit".

Ironically, it was still a blast. And I discovered two bands that I loved and never heard of before. Hush Sound and Circa Survive- both pictured above.

But next year, we're thinking of going to Preakness instead.