Cyberstalking

Thank GOD internet usage wasn't prevalent fifteen years ago. Or ten. There's no telling what I would have done.

I don't know how all the dating-age-teens and twenty-somethings handle it.

Years ago, I had insane tendencies if I was ever scorned by a man. I would simply flip out. Do whatever I could to cause as much chaos as possible. I wanted the man to hurt as badly as I did.

Like the time that I just knew my boyfriend was cheating on me. So I somehow figured it was a good idea to drive over his house late at night and park out front until he showed up with a woman. He did. He took off like a bat out of hell when he saw my car, and I proceeded to spend the next couple days attempting to confront him. I had to call him at work, pretend to be a customer to get him to answer the phone, and finally got the chance to unleash my wrath.

So silly. What an idiot! (Not him- me!)

Then there's the time my ex-fiance brought another woman to our bar less than two weeks after our breakup. What did I do when they attempted to make a quick escape? Followed them out to the parking lot like a stark raving lunatic, confronted them (Hey bitch- do you even know we were engaged up until two weeks ago????), and simply had a fit.

(Oh, wait. That's not a good example since the evening resulted in the woman taking off and me spending the evening with the ex. Like I said- insane.)

Thankfully, I grew up. No man has inspired that level of out of control rage in me for many, many years. I learned that if I don't trust someone and I think they are cheating, I leave. I simply avoid the drama.

But if there had been such thing as an "online presence" back in my insane days, there could have been major trouble. A friend of mine tells me about an ex that pores over his blog excessively. Another friend talks about keeping an eye on men she dates through their match profiles (what do you mean he was on match within the hour!) and through facebook (who is that new friend on his page!).

Then, I got a taste of the poison myself. Last week, I read something online that gave me the vague impression that my ex has a new woman in his life. So I read more and found another implication. Did I stop there? Of course not! My masochistic self kept looking until I ended up with not only a pretty strong confirmation, but details about the woman herself.

I felt twinges of the old tendencies begin to surface- what do I do?

I should call him!! Yes! That is what I should do!

Not because I want to talk to him (haven't spoken in months). Not because I want to hear about how things are going in his life (don't particularly care). And not even because I want him in my life (nope- better off without him).

I recognized that it was that I simply wanted to do whatever I could to cause as much chaos as possible. I wanted to hurt the man as badly as I could.

My evolved, oh-so-mature self was able to see this, take a moment, and calm down.

But if this had been 10 years ago...

Responsibility vs. Adventure?

OR

I have an opportunity to go to the Dalmation Coast of Croatia in August.

Pretty awesome, right?

Except that I've made a pact with myself to streamline my budget in preparation for a tougher economy. No excessive spending.

And... I'm not bringing in as much money as I was last year. So I would have to finance the trip on my credit card. Which I simply do not do.

And...I promised myself that I was going to take two trips per year preferably out of the country to make up for years of not traveling and exploring the world.

And...I really need a vacation. An adventure.

And...I could be setting myself up for more financial challenges.

Historically, I've been what I describe as "responsibly adventurous". Always ready to take a risk, have fun, try new things...as long as I have some sort of a baseline of stability and security.

This is the first time in many, many years that my sense of RESPONSIBILITY and my sense of ADVENTURE have been in direct conflict.

Proud to be an American?

"I could never vote for him because of his name. Especially with a middle name like Hussein. It's just not right."

Sadly, I am quoting my mother. As told to me by my brother.

When my brother attempted to protest, my father added "Don't you think that's how most Americans feel? They just don't admit it."

These comments worry me on a number of levels. First, because it makes my parents seem ignorant. Is this how they approach their decision regarding who should lead our country?

Second, because it confirms a fear I have had. Will average Joe and Jill American be able to make this decision without being clouded by fears of race and ethnicity? I've been worried from the beginning that Middle America will never, ever allow Obama (or Hillary for that matter) be elected as our next President.

Perhaps I'm heading into some sort of elitist territory here...but why do I get the feeling that intelligent, educated, enlightened people are a minority in this country? (The last time I felt this way was the day after the last Presidential election.)

Please, please, please tell me I am wrong.

Me? Old?

Yesterday I received a voice mail message from the assistant of a tv producer. He proceeded to explain to me that they create documentaries done by Discovery Health, sold to public television, and hosted by Hugh Downs.

He wanted to contact me to discuss the possibility of me appearing in a series entitled "Aging Well".

Wait. What????

My first reaction was, "What the f-! I'm too #$%^ young to be on a show like that!"

Then, "The nerve! Wait...am I that old?"

Finally it hit me. I had completely forgotten the fact that in my business, I work with clients in the health and wellness industry. Particularly the medspa business. In fact, I often present myself as somewhat of an expert in this field.

All I can say is that it's a good thing that assistant got my voice mail. No telling how I would have responded if he reached me live!

One Man's Opinion

Last week I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine. Our friendship usually centers around talking about his dating life, and I freely give my opinions and advice. I rarely discuss my love life with him, though sometimes I may share vague complaints.

Then a few days later, I received an interesting email from him:

"...If you don't mind my saying so, I think you also could use some advice. You seem to have a pretty clear idea of what your needs are but I get the sense that you don't know how to ask for what you want/need from men. Rather, it seems like you feel the right guy will simply "know what you want" (probably part of that whole "man up" philosophy) and act accordingly.

The problem there is it just doesn't work that way, especially in this era when women and men are supposedly on equal footing. It may be arrogant/presumptious of me to speak for all men, but if there's one thing I know, it's that men (and women, for that matter) aren't telepaths -- so women need to become more skilled at letting men know what they want.

There are plenty of great guys out there who are decent and honorable but may not have a clue about a woman's needs -- probably because the women in their pasts just dumped them feeling that "if he was the right guy, he would have known how to please me", without ever telling the guy what he did wrong and thus denying him the opportunity to learn from the relationship.

In short, sometimes, especially on matters of fundamental importance, you simply need to let the guy know what you want and need from a relationship -- and sooner rather than later so that you don't waste time in a relationship with someone who either can't or won't fulfill your needs. The flipside of course is that it's not enough to know your needs and find a man who can satisfy them -- you must be able to fulfill his needs in return. That's what makes relationships such a challenge -- having all those variables fall into place for a prospective couple is a pretty tall order."

Now, I'd say his assessment of me is only around 30% accurate, but that's not what I'd like to discuss. I want to talk about this issue of "women need to become more skilled at letting men know what they want".

Really?

Is it that much of a mystery?

Are our wants and needs that unique and difficult to figure out?

Seriously.

I know the standard joke is that men's needs are simple: sleep, food, and sex and they're pretty content.

But aren't women's needs just as simple? If you had to simplify them, what would they be?

Thank you, Hillary.

I just listened to your concession speech, and it made me cry.

I have been a supporter of you, though not always your biggest fan. We don't agree on all issues, and sometimes the words, methods, and tactics you chose didn't always sit right with me.

But damn girl, I'm completely impressed with your strength.

Thank you for helping chip "18 million cracks in the the glass ceiling". Thank you for not caring what your critics said. Thank you for being heard as a strong, intelligent, female voice. Thank you for showing my seven year old neice that yes, she can be President when she grows up, if she wants to be.

Thank you for withstanding vicious attacks simply because you are a woman that dares to be tough. Your femininity has been attacked, your physical appearance, your age, your role as wife and mother. Attacks I haven't seen aimed at male politicians. I don't care that you've been called "shrewd","ambitious", and a "political machine". Thank you for being extra tough, extra determined, and extra tenacious, because you knew you had to be.

At one point during your speech, the cameras panned to a group of female college students. There was such inspiring hope on their faces, and tears in their eyes. Thank you for that. My favorite line in your speech was when you were speaking to the young people and you said "...Never listen to anyone who says you can’t or shouldn’t go on." Thank you for being such a role model for that.

And finally, thank you for throwing your full support to Obama. Thank you for reminding your supporters of "his strength and determination, his grace and his grit". You are right: "we need to help elect Barack Obama our President". Finally, a person of color as a Presidential candidate, and hopefully as our next President.

It's a historical moment and it gives me hope.

System Malfunction

There's something about energy. Personal energy, emotional energy, mental energy, spiritual energy, etc. etc.

I've been focusing the past several months on my interpersonal and emotional energy- getting it in alignment and functioning on a healthy, productive level. The last couple weeks I have just begun to feel good in this department. I've been breaking out of a confusing fog and I feel clearer about my life direction than I have in awhile.

I feel like something that I generated during this extreme self-analysis process caused some mechanical and technical malfunction in my life. I know that sounds weird, but that's what it feels like.

So if my mind is focused and clear, and my emotional and spiritual self moving towards balance, how could that possibly cause good old fashioned breakdowns in other aspects of my life?

I have no idea.

It began on Memorial Day when my air-conditioning broke down. Yikes! Just at the time when I'm tightening my belt financially, I was hit with a scary repair issue. And I couldn't believe how much everything else in my life stopped until I could get this problem resolved. I couldn't function until I was assured this wasn't a disaster. (It wasn't. It turned out to be an easy fix.)

The next day, I got a voice mail message from a potential client. She tells me she had been trying to send me an email and it kept bouncing back. Hmmmm. So I checked it out and found that not only was my email not functioning, my website was down! My webhost "expired" my service without notice. So there I was, an entrepreneur without working email or web presence. Yikes! And about twenty items on my "to-do" list couldn't get done until I fixed this issue. (This was more complicated due to awwwwwful customer service from my web host. Don't use Delta Web Hosting.)

Then yesterday, like many others in the area, I lost power at home. I arrived home from a networking event at around 6:30 and discovered the outage. My list of things I wanted to get done again went untouched. I was pretty much paralyzed by the lack of electricity. I attempted to read by flashlight/candlelight, became frustrated, bored, and went to bed at 9:30.

Hopefully, now all systems are "go". I want to take advantage of my current clarity, energy, and focus, and DON'T want to be drained by these external obstacles!

I Think They Can Smell It

Men. Specifically, ex's.

I think they can smell when you've moved on.

Or when you've met someone that you like.

How do they do that?

Observe:

Last Monday, Memorial Day, I returned home from a rather wonderful second date with a great guy to find a voicemail message from the ex otherwise known as Door #3. He just wanted to say hi.

A few days later, Door #2 called to ask me to dinner.

And finally, last night, on my way to what turned out to be a very fun third date with a mischievous man, I received an email from Door #1. He just wanted me to know he's been thinking of me, and it'd be really nice to see me again.

Uh. Yeah, I bet.

Anyway, none of this would be that big of a deal except for the fact that I clearly told each of these people not to contact me. Several weeks ago.

So either it's a coincidence that they all attempted to reconnect at the same time that I was distracted by another man, OR they are all on the same "clock" as far as how long it takes them to contact a woman once they stop seeing them.

Oh-and no- I didn't talk to any of them. Yayyy me!