Soul Mate Update

Since my soul mate prediction was picked up by DC Blogs, I feel obligated to update you on the status of my status with MG. I knew when I was writing such a bold statement, that I was being completely illogical and a bit crazy-sounding. I didn't care. It was a feeling I had in my gut.

So what happened after the evening when I was so completely swept off my feet?

Nothing.



Well that's not completely true. First, there were a few days of complete silence. With each passing day, I was becoming less and less convinced that my initial instincts were accurate. I questioned my intuition and judgment. How could I be so completely wrong about a connection with another person? How could I be so convinced that he was into me, when he actually was not?

I have often been able to convince myself that a man was more interested in me than he actually was. Or that the relationship I was in was more significant than it actually was. But deep, deep, in my gut...I always knew the truth.

This time...I once again felt that I simply knew the truth. He and I had a future together. Period.

The other gut feeling I had was that there was a potential issue surrounding the subject of children. Under the category "planchild", on my profile I had indicated "Definitely". Only because none of the categories fully express my feelings on the subject. "No way" certainly doesn't apply. "Someday" and "Not sure" seemed ridiculous and immature for a 42 year old woman. So I chose "Definitely". When in reality, I would love to be a mother, but I am very aware that I may not be. Or may not be in the traditional sense. And I have no plans to do something extreme to make motherhood happen.

And MG had mentioned it on our date. He managed to somehow slip it into the conversation about work/life balance, saying "You said on your profile you definitely want a child, right?" I was so taken off guard, and not really remembering what I put, I said "Yeah."

Later, I had a strong feeling that that was something that bothered him about me. Perhaps enough to be a deal breaker. When I looked at his profile, I saw that he was looking for a woman who either had kids, or wanted them "someday". It then hit me that when someone sees a 42 year old woman who "definitely" wants children, the message that is sent is much stronger than the message I would like to send.

Friday (five days after meeting him), I see that he is no longer on Match. Profile gone. Poof. Disappeared. Without an email, text message, or call. Now mind you, I typically would not feel like I needed that kind of contact after one brief "match-date". But as you know, this particular date felt different.

I was very sad when I saw he was no longer doing online dating. Does that mean he met someone? After meeting me? That couldn't be possible, as he had spring break plans with his daughter for the week. So he met someone before me? And still met me for tea? And still decided he preferred the other woman?

As you can see, my mind was spinning in a dozen different directions. I decided I needed to have some indication of what was happening with him. I sent him a text on Saturday "So how's your mini-spring break going?"

No response.

Okay then- there's my answer. At least part of it. Clearly he's not interested.

I refused to accept that. I was so sure.

My gut was telling me "You will hear from him again, but only after you call him first."

Monday, I called and left a voice message. A message I rehearsed in my head about half a dozen times. I spoke from my heart- I truly enjoyed meeting him, I enjoyed our conversation and connection. I can tell he's a great guy. And I would love another conversation.

This morning, he returned the call and left a message. "Thank you for your sweet message. I am very attracted to you, and I felt the connection too. But I've been seeing someone and I've decided I want to see where that goes. I hope you understand, and hope you wouldn't be offended if I contacted you in the future if I end up back on Match and you are available. I really hope you understand."

Was I disappointed? Sure.

Was I devastated? Not really. For a few reasons.

First, meeting MG gave me hope. Gives me hope. There are Good Men out there. And I can still be swept off my feet. And when it happens at the right time, and in the right way, I can see that it could happen quickly.

Second, (now this is where you'll think I'm nuts) because I'm still convinced that MG and I have some sort of a future together. I swear- he feels so familiar to me, like I already know him. Yes, I know I sound silly and school girlish. But it's how I feel.

So I responded to his voice mail with a text: "Thx for the msg. Keep my number- you picked the wrong woman :) Kidding! (Sort of) Seriously- good luck. A"

He immediately responded: ":-D, thanks A...you're sweet. I definitely will keep your number ;-)"

So let's debrief:

I've just been blown off for another woman by a man that swept me away with one meeting. And I still feel optimistic. And I still feel so ridiculously sure that we will somehow be a part of each others' lives.

And people say I'm highly intelligent.

A Different Kind of Hormone Replacement

For weeks, I've had a crush on Mr. DT. Primarily a deep, dark, lustful desire.

For over a year, I've had intense, passionate feelings for The Cop.

I have found as I get older, that when it comes to romantic prospects, I either feel absolutely nothing...or I feel an over-the-top, mind-numbing lust towards them. True desire. D-E-S-I-R-E!

However, I don't feel any emotional connection to Mr. DT, and The Cop and I have nothing more than a nice, warm friendship.

Enter MG.

A few hours with him, and the mind-numbing lust I feel towards others is absolutely GONE! Erased. To the point where I ask myself "How could I have felt that way towards him?"

It's actually more than gone...it's reversed. Meaning I feel turned OFF by even the idea of being with Mr. DT. When I see his name on my caller i.d. I think "Yuck."

Hours before I met MG, I was making future dinner plans with Mr. DT. By the end of the evening I had no intention of seeing or talking to him again.

It boggles my mind how an emotional and physical attraction to someone can completely obliterate any shreds of feeling for anyone else. Sadly, I think this is just a female thing. Wouldn't life be a bit easier if the same thing happened to men?

Tick Tock

I have quite a few friends and associates that are currently looking for work. Some have been unemployed for months. When I talk to them, I can feel their pain. Their level of anxiety is through the roof. With each passing day, they are more and more worried...about their future, about their security. Worried about whether they can keep their house, support their families. They urgently need a job.

That urgent, anxious feeling strikes a chord in me because I have the same feeling deep inside...all the time. Let me repeat that: All. The. Time.

The worry they are experiencing sounds so much like the emotions that come with the biological clock. To find a partner. To have a family.

With each passing day...the fear, the worry, has the potential to become worse. If "it" doesn't happen, then the future I want won't happen. I may still have professional success, a nice home, financial security...but the parts of life that are so much more important, will be missing.

Right now, it's been two and a half days since I met MG and felt such a huge wave of hope. Such a true connection...During the hours we spent together, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that this man is going to be a part of my life in some way.

With each tick of the clock, my fear and insecurity kicks in. My heart flutters each time the phone rings. I can't wait to hear from him - to hear how spring break is going with his daughter, to find out when I can see him again.

It's like when my friends have just had a killer interview, and they want this job soooooo badly. And they are waiting to hear if they are being called for a second interview.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

For the Record...

...I met The One last night.

I just wanted to write this so I that someday I could show this post to him and say "See? I knew it that very first day we met!"



And no, I'm not talking about Mr. DT from my last post. I'm referring to Motorcycle Guy. Whom I almost did not meet simply because he was an "MG".

We met spontaneously for iced tea after a week of phone tag. Turns out he lives about five minutes from me. And he grew up in Upstate NY, like me. And he moved here in 1999 like me.

But it's not our similarities that have struck me. I can't quite put my finger on it yet. While we were talking, an inner voice said "See?...this is a Good Man."

My first impression? He is intelligent. And adventurous and intriguing. And responsible and loving. And a great father. He had plenty to share, and was sincerely interested in me and what I have to say. He has a twinkle in his eye that I am drawn to.

He was soooo easy to talk to. He's open.

And yes...there was sexual chemistry there.

He has his light on, and he let me see that.

What do I mean by "he has his light on"? Well, you know how they say men are like taxis...when they are available and ready to commit, they "turn their light on", and the next suitable passenger...is it... MG knows exactly what he wants and what he is looking for. He is Ready. Yes, with a capital R.

At first, I was reluctant to post this "declaration", as I didn't want to jinx it. But I decided this is more like a blessing...it's a feeling I have...and I am putting it out into the Universe!

Of course, I am very well aware that I could be completely off base. I may never see him or hear from him again (though he already expressed a desire to see me). Things could go terribly, terribly wrong. But I don't think so.

The best part about it is the feeling of HOPE I have at this moment.

That it Just. Might. Happen.