Where the Girls Are

I am telling every unmarried man I know between the ages of 25 and 50 (except the one I'm dating) where they need to go to find amazing, quality, women: TAKE A TRIP.

Seriously.

An organized trip- with a group. Earlier in the year I went to Spain with a group- there were about two dozen of us, with only about 5 or 6 men. This time, I headed to Costa Rica with around 55 other fun, adventurous, single people. I'd say around 10 of them were men.

We decided that maybe men just don't "do" groups. If they want to travel- they grab a buddy, find a woman, or go alone. But I'm telling you- travel with a group and you may end up with the side benefit of a new love.

On the second or third night of the Costa Rica trip, I was talking to a really nice, slightly nerdy, interesting, and mildly attractive man from San Diego. He was complaining that the ratio was actually working against the men. "If we try to speak to or spend time with one of you, the rest start to circle the wagons".

Eek. Is that true? I'd hate to think we had any sort of catty competition going on. After all, I was impressed with the caliber of women on this trip and enjoying their company immensely. And "meeting a man" was nowhere near the top of my priority list for this trip.

But now that I was paying attention, I noticed that my San Diego friend was right. It wasn't exactly a "Bachelor" type competition going on: it was a subtle undertone that in general, we, the women, did not want anyone "pairing up". We ALL wanted some male energy around, some flirtatious banter.

Then I noticed something specific about myself: I am very competitive when it comes to male attention. Even though there wasn't anyone on this trip that I was particularly interested in, I found myself attempting to engage the interest of the men. Thinking back to my Spain trip, it was the same thing: I was determined to secure the attention/interest of at least one of the men in spite of the fact that there were so few of them. The fact that I started the trip already sort of dating one of them didn't count.

YUCK! What an unattractive piece of information about myself. Let's never speak of this again, OK?

Anyway, within a few days, most of the men on the Costa Rica trip were "paired up" with their vacation girlfriend. (Including my San Diego friend that was previously complaining about the ratio.) Some of the pairings were obviously destined to be flings, but others seemed to have real promise. I look forward to hearing how they turn out.

One of the men was a true player. He was a big-time partyer and flirt. He always seemed to have a drink in his hand, and he was great at the compliments. I met him when we stopped for lunch immediately upon arrival. In other words, I had been up since 1 am, and I'm sure I looked like hell. But after bumping into Charles at the buffet line, you'd have thought I was Jennifer Aniston. He talked the bartender into selling him a bottle of Cassique and proceeded to lead a table of us (4 women and him) in trying Costa Rica's best liquor. (It may be important to note: I don't drink. But I joined him in drinking Cassique and diet coke.) I enjoyed the fact that he seemed to pay extra special attention to me.

It was amusing watching Charles work his way through our entire group of women. He was literally like a kid in a candy store. (We soon learned he was very recently divorced, so this vacation must have been his celebration or something.) After a couple nights of all night bar-hopping (which I did not join), even Charles chose his vacationship partner. By the end of the week, he was telling the other guys "Actually, I really like this girl!" I guess there's a reason they say you can't judge a book by its cover.

Traveling with others in a foreign country gives you the unique opportunity to really get to know someone pretty well. You find out their interests, their energy level, how they handle stress, how they look without sleep, how they interact with others... It probably gives you more information than a dozen dates. Without the pressure.

So seriously, guys, if you are wondering where all the great women are- take a trip!

Pura Vida!

What an adrenaline rush of a vacation! New experiences, new people, new self-discoveries.

It seems my newly acquired travel bug is intact.

Costa Rica is a beautiful country, filled with very beautiful, friendly, happy people. Which is surprising given the poverty I witnessed. While it was wonderful to see a new place and experience it, it also made me more appreciative for life here. Damn, we are spoiled. Our lives are so plush.

There were a lot of recurring themes for me during this vacation- my strengths and weaknesses when it comes to socializing and connecting with a group of people, my ability to take risks, a new appreciation for my body, my health, my strength.

Each of these subjects could warrant a blog post. But for now, I just want to say that it was fitting to take this vacation just before Thanksgiving, and just before my next birthday. Pura Vida= Happy Life, the motto all over Costa Rica. What better place to celebrate thankfulness?

On Vacation

I just returned from Costa Rica...As soon as I rest up, I will be posting some new stuff. Lord knows how long it will take to recover from vacation! :)

A Gleam in His Eye

I know I've posted many an item on motherhood. And mothers and daughters. And all the intricacies that those two topics include.

I haven't given that much thought to fatherhood. But for some reason, in the last couple of weeks, I've had this topic placed before me in various ways.

Last week, I was away taking an intense certification course. It basically required me to spend about 10 hours a day with about 20 other people for six days in a row. Needless to say, we actually had a chance to get to know each other really well. What was particularly odd, yet refreshing was the fact that this class exposed me to people very different from me. There were quite a few really religious types. And some politically conservative ones. I inwardly groaned on the first day when I realized this, but it was a wonderful eye-opening experience to get to know these people.

But I digress- I'm talking about fathers. Well, two of the men I met at this class were fathers. One was in his late 20's and one was probably around late 30's. The younger one, Zed, talked about his wife and child a LOT. Not in an annoying way, but in a very sweet loving way. I'm not sure I've seen or heard a man talk about his family in quite this way to a group of people he just met.

The other man was in my project group, so I got to spend a lot of time with him. Seth claims that he was a "late bloomer". Says his life had been a bit out of order; he was afraid of marriage and had no real plans to have a family. With the help of therapy and a life coach, he managed to create a new direction for himself and he couldn't be happier.

What struck me about Seth was the way he talked about being a Dad. He told me about the birth of his son. He told me about the moments he loves to share with him. I heard stories about how amazing it is just to eat breakfast with him. Going to the store is now a joyful experience. He said that having this child has caused him to view his life and the world through such a place of joy.

And he said he had no idea it would be like that. In fact, he said "I wish I had known that it really feels this way, I would have done it sooner."

When I asked if he thought any man knew beforehand that it would feel that way, he said "I don't think so. Because if they did, men would be aiming for marriage and family as much as women do". Seth thought that men seem to talk of the negative things- the responsibility, the loss of freedom, etc.

I remember my brother expressing a similar sentiment one time. He feels "filled up" with the love for his children, and gets teary eyed when trying to describe it.

Now, I'm dating a dad. He told me last week, "When I was on that soccer field, watching my son play and having such a great time, there's just no better place in the world to be. It's just perfect".

There's something about seeing a man in love with his child that causes a woman's heart to melt. Not exactly sure what that is...

So now, as I'm thrust into this different world, I can't help but wonder why? Why am I involved with this? This is the first time I've dated a dad, and I must say- it has its challenges. Do I really want that? Do I want to sign up for a situation where the best I can aspire to is maybe #3 on his priority list?

I am aware of how selfish this makes me sound. And I would love just an ounce of that parenthood joy that these various men have described to me. But I can't help it, there's a tiny part of me that feels like a mistress.

Careful What You Wish For

...You just might get it.

Nice guy?...check.

Attractive?...check.

Treats you well?...check.

Emotionally Available?...check.

Good Heart?...check.

Chemistry?...double check.

So where's the anxiety coming from?

Geesh. What a mess.