When your vision taunts you...

I've been using vision boards over the past few years. I know they became popular when The Secret was popular, but I was using them before that.

I'm a visual person. And a goal-oriented one. So it's a fun exercise for me.

Last year I took my vision board (which had a lot of "find a partner, possibly have a family" theme on it) and I hung it on the wall in my living room.

And I met someone. Someone fabulous.

Eventually during our dating, it was time to have him come over my house. So I took the vision board off the wall and put it away in my bedroom closet.

I was afraid if he saw those pictures of babies and engagement rings he would RUN out the door.

Guess what? His first visit to my home, was his last. Everything immediately fell apart.

Fast forward a year.

I remember my vision board in the back of my closet and decide to take it out. This time I hang it in my master bedroom.

I meet someone. Someone fabulous.

As we progress in our dating, he comes to my house a couple times but I do not allow him in the bedroom (it wasn't because of the vision board, it was because I wasn't ready to invite him into my bedroom.)

Well of course that kind of restraint can't last forever.

So I took the vision board off the wall and put it away in my bedroom closet.

That was the first and last night that particular man came to my house. The relationship immediately fell apart.

Hmmmmm....

So recently, I had a little "vision party" with a couple friends of mine. I started from scratch and designed a very focused, very current board for myself. Amongst other things, there is a theme of wanting a husband/family. I told my friends what had happened with my board in the past.

I asked their advice: Where can I hang it so I don't have to take it down whenever I am ready to invite a man over?

Their response? Next time, don't take it down. See what happens.

Oh my. That sounds pretty scary. I'm mulling it over.

In the meantime, since I created the board and hung it in my kitchen, a very sweet, loving man has expressed his feelings for me. He very much wants to be in a relationship with me, and I feel warm and fuzzy every time I think about him.

I haven't invited him to my house yet.

From Cougar to Big Sister

Being a big sister seems to be a part of my identity.

I have three younger brothers whom I love to death. I think they are amazing people, even if they aren't perfect.

And I relish the big sister role.

My youngest brother is going through some really tough times. His girlfriend of three years with whom he recently purchased a house, just decided she was "no longer in love" with him.

He is crushed.

As am I. I try to stay optimistic for him, try to tell him he will be OK and he will find love...all the while he knows that I haven't.

In meantime, I've been adopted by a couple other young guys that I've met.

A 29 year old that confides in me about all his struggles with women. He doesn't understand why he has trouble approaching them, talking to them, dating them. He is very smart and very attractive, so I don't really get it either. I spend my time boosting his ego and giving advice. But I enjoy it! I like our banter, and I like the way he looks up to me.

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a 30 year old that I had befriended during my Costa Rica trip a few years ago. He sent me emails once in a while, wanting to get together for lunch. He wanted to tell me about his girlfriend...Then he wanted to tell me about her pregnancy...and his struggle with his decision to marry her. I could tell he was definitely looking for guidance, for counsel, for a mom or a sister. This young man is estranged from his family and has no one.

So I attempted to offer support, my thoughts, my opinions. And he seemed to appreciate it. And it broke my heart to see how badly this young man needs a family. I thought about filling that role for him, but I'm not sure I can. I have a family (whom I could support more)...I have brothers (whom I could talk to more often).

Maybe this is why I keep getting "adopted" by various younger men...It's serving as a reminder to the sister role I already have.

Later-in-Life Lesbians

Is this really what it's come to?

I remember reading a magazine article a few months ago that told about more and more women "becoming lesbians" later in life. After divorce...after kids...They just wanted a pure emotional bond, companionship, love, etc.

And I've heard more and more of my friends discussing the same subject.

"I get plenty of sex, that's not an issue."

"I just want the emotional support- and women are better at giving that."

"I want someone who will stick around."

I have a hard time getting my head around this idea. Not only because of the obvious prefer-to-have-sex-with-men thing...but also because I just LOVE male energy. LOVE male attention. And would LOVE to be LOVED by a MAN. Not sure it would feel the same to me to be loved by a woman.

But the women I talk to and read about are serious about this idea. They feel it's more about the person than the gender. That if it was the right person, and it felt right...it would be just as good or better than a heterosexual relationship.

And I keep making my same old argument "But there isn't really any substitute for a real life attached-to-a-man penis!" Right?