Blind Spot

A few weeks ago, I won a "free business evaluation" from a very well-known life coach and guru. Prior to my session I had to fill out a brief questionnaire.

One question asked "Where do you see yourself in one year? Five years? Ten years?"

I had absolutely no trouble writing about the one year vision.

I was paralyzed when I tried to think about 5 or 10 years. I did NOT want to think about it. I left it blank, and tried not to think about it.

During the session, the coach asked "What is causing this block for you?"

And I got just a brief glimpse of where this block was coming from. I was terrified of getting older. And it's all because of what I do not have in my life. And how time is / will affect my ability to get what I want (need).

I am so not ready to face the fact that I will not be a mother. I am scared to death of moving out of the denial phase into some sort of grieving. I can definitely see what the anger will be like, because I get fleeting moments of being purely pissed off. Life is so not fucking fair.