I Went on a Date with a Ghost

On the way to my date, I had a pretty thorough conversation with myself.

GoodA: Why are you meeting him? You know he's trouble.

BadA: I can't help it, he excites me...

GoodA: Oh pleeeaaaase! Like you need more excitement.

BadA: It's so rare to have a date with some "ooomph"!

GoodA: But he's already given you a dozen signs that he's not going to be able to give you what you want!

BadA: But I'm so attracted to him!

GoodA: Well don't come crawling to me whining years from now when you still haven't found what you really need...

The date itself was OK. We stopped for drinks first, then headed for dinner. One of those places with a fantastic panoramic view of the city. We sat next to each other instead of across from each other so we could both enjoy the view. Though I found it a little awkward to not be face to face.

He was flirty and very affectionate. When he touches me, it's in a very protective manner. Like when we got on a crowded elevator, he stands behind me and drapes an arm down my side, as if to keep me away from the rest of the crowd. When we walk, he puts a hand at my back and sort of guides me. Protective, but almost possessive.

At dinner, he ordered for me. Seriously.

He didn't ask me what I wanted, but he gave me choices. Seriously.

We shared an appetizer, a salad and an entree. Shared. As in, from the same plate.

It sounds weird, doesn't it? You know what's weirder?

I found it very exciting.

Something about being a very strong, independent, never-needs-anyone kind of woman, having a man take complete and total control over an evening...was intriguing.

But something was nagging at me. Something was familiar about this evening. About this man.

It slowly dawned on me. It was in his eyes, his cheeks. It was his chest, his arms. His manner, his aura. The way I felt when I was with him.

Excited, sexy, a feeling of being taken care of...but with a touch of dread and anxiety.

I was on a date with Fred. My ex-fiancee. Who died.

I was having dinner with a ghost.

I recognized this feeling. This was the feeling I had as I was falling in love with Fred and realized he had demons. Realized my fairy tale love story was not going to have the appropriate ending.

Shit, do I really have to do this again?