A Gleam in His Eye

I know I've posted many an item on motherhood. And mothers and daughters. And all the intricacies that those two topics include.

I haven't given that much thought to fatherhood. But for some reason, in the last couple of weeks, I've had this topic placed before me in various ways.

Last week, I was away taking an intense certification course. It basically required me to spend about 10 hours a day with about 20 other people for six days in a row. Needless to say, we actually had a chance to get to know each other really well. What was particularly odd, yet refreshing was the fact that this class exposed me to people very different from me. There were quite a few really religious types. And some politically conservative ones. I inwardly groaned on the first day when I realized this, but it was a wonderful eye-opening experience to get to know these people.

But I digress- I'm talking about fathers. Well, two of the men I met at this class were fathers. One was in his late 20's and one was probably around late 30's. The younger one, Zed, talked about his wife and child a LOT. Not in an annoying way, but in a very sweet loving way. I'm not sure I've seen or heard a man talk about his family in quite this way to a group of people he just met.

The other man was in my project group, so I got to spend a lot of time with him. Seth claims that he was a "late bloomer". Says his life had been a bit out of order; he was afraid of marriage and had no real plans to have a family. With the help of therapy and a life coach, he managed to create a new direction for himself and he couldn't be happier.

What struck me about Seth was the way he talked about being a Dad. He told me about the birth of his son. He told me about the moments he loves to share with him. I heard stories about how amazing it is just to eat breakfast with him. Going to the store is now a joyful experience. He said that having this child has caused him to view his life and the world through such a place of joy.

And he said he had no idea it would be like that. In fact, he said "I wish I had known that it really feels this way, I would have done it sooner."

When I asked if he thought any man knew beforehand that it would feel that way, he said "I don't think so. Because if they did, men would be aiming for marriage and family as much as women do". Seth thought that men seem to talk of the negative things- the responsibility, the loss of freedom, etc.

I remember my brother expressing a similar sentiment one time. He feels "filled up" with the love for his children, and gets teary eyed when trying to describe it.

Now, I'm dating a dad. He told me last week, "When I was on that soccer field, watching my son play and having such a great time, there's just no better place in the world to be. It's just perfect".

There's something about seeing a man in love with his child that causes a woman's heart to melt. Not exactly sure what that is...

So now, as I'm thrust into this different world, I can't help but wonder why? Why am I involved with this? This is the first time I've dated a dad, and I must say- it has its challenges. Do I really want that? Do I want to sign up for a situation where the best I can aspire to is maybe #3 on his priority list?

I am aware of how selfish this makes me sound. And I would love just an ounce of that parenthood joy that these various men have described to me. But I can't help it, there's a tiny part of me that feels like a mistress.