The Latest Great Love: Compatability, Trust, and Unpredictable Excitement

It is possible that in time, this latest Great Love will be downgraded to "just" a love. History may rewrite this experience- it's simply too soon to tell. I met Jake in the summer of 2004. Don't ask how long we were "together" because I'm not quite sure. But clearly he was an integral part of my life (and me in his) at least until he moved away last fall.



I chose these particular photos to represent Jake because they represent the transition in his life that I witnessed and participated in. The transition in my life was similar, yet oh so different. I believe we are both still in the midst of these changes.



When I met him, he was polished and elegant. He had a conservative and very successful career. He enjoyed the finer things in life, but he did not live beyond his means. And he definitely knew how to treat women. I'm not entirely sure he even knows how much he knows. He is well mannered, thoughtful, and appreciative. The mischievous twinkle in his eye was part of what I found especially appealing. His desire to live an "edgier" life, to push outside a comfort zone...very intriguing. Definitely something I could relate to. And assist with.



Our first date was pleasant, but didn't rock my world (or his). I felt our connection took place during our second date. I remember we had an in-depth discussion about passion and the necessity of it in relationships. I was arguing that it wasn't really necessary. It was during this date that he learned that I enjoy playing devil's advocate and will often argue the opposite of what I believe.



Normally, my definition of "Great Love" requires that the intensity be two sided. This was a unique situation. It was two sided in a very convaluted, lopsided way. My love for Jake started the usual way- with attraction, desire, the ability to have fun together etc. What made it a "Great Love" for me was the added elements: I trusted him completely, we were ridiculously compatible, and it was very easy for me to imagine a life-long adventure with him. For the first time ever, I felt I could have a happy and successful marriage. When we were together, it always felt natural. Easy. It felt like a partnership. We felt like a team.



As long as we didn't talk about the relationship.



Jake did not verbally express his love for me- but I felt it. He showed his fear about commitment. He was clear that he was unsure about me as a life long partner. He wasn't really able to articulate why, just that he was. Yet in spite of his expressed hesitation, I swore that I felt his love for me. It was either terrible denial, or great instinct. I still don't know which.



Every time the future became an issue, he would leave. Many times. While it was always painful, it never really felt "over". I took the fact that we couldn't stay away from each other as a sign. We tried dating others, we still gravitated towards each other. We would put various labels on our "arrangement", or we would avoid labels completely. No matter what we called our relationship, the interaction between us felt the same. So I stopped caring what we called it- when we were together, we were happy. Period.



During this time, Jake was at a very exciting critical change in his life. He ended his conservative, successful career and began a creative and risky one. He began to think about moving. I encouraged him. Strongly. I knew that it would mean the final end of us- but I also knew it would be a great move for him. Of course, I wished I could go with him, but I knew him well enough to know that wouldn't happen.

I helped him pack. We said goodbye on three separate occasions. It was as painful as death. I was surprised, yet relieved, to see that it was equally painful for him. We were not acting like two exes that were saying goodbye and moving on. We were acting like two people in love that didn't want to say goodbye.

Since you can tell that I'm still living in Washington, DC, you can pretty much figure out the end to this story. So how could I possibly feel it was a "Great" love? Because I know it was right and it was good. I finally got a glimpse of being "able" to have a lifetime commitment. And wanting it.

Jake is an amazing man: talented, trustworthy, sexy, caring, ambitious, adventurous. And today is his birthday. Happy Birthday, Jake.