The Everyday Tragedy

Lately, friends of mine have experienced tragedy in various forms. I can't remember a time when I've seen people that I know and care about going through such difficult times all at the same time.

It began a few months ago, when a very close friend of mine had difficulty with the premature birth of her son, and severe post-partum symptoms that resulted in a life-changing stay in a psychiatric ward. She is still dealing with the after-effects of that. I remember the completely helpless feeling I had. I was shocked that there really wasn't anything I could do to help.

After that, it came in an almost non-stop wave. My friend, B, has had a debillitating problem with her back and legs. I believe it's some sort of problem with the nerves, but has resulted in extreme pain for her and reduced mobility.

My friend K, has been diagnosed with breast cancer and just had a double masectomy. She's 36 years old with a very young son.

My friend S's husband is going through a serious illness. I don't know the details, except that it has involved several brain surgeries. And now he requires around the clock care. She can't afford to stop working, so she has to drop her husband off at day care in the morning and pick him up at night. Her husband is only 52.

Yesterday, my friend W was diagnosed with a rare version of MS. It started with an eye infection that wouldn't heal, and led to the loss of feeling in her legs. She needs to stay in the hospital for at least another week while they conduct lots of tests.

The last personal tragedy I suffered was at the age of 28. I remember for a period of time after that tragedy, I had a feeling of being invincible- that nothing else would go wrong for a very long time. I actually felt that "God owed me" a free pass for awhile because of I what I went through. I remember being told how strong I was. I agreed- I was surprised at my own strength.

Each of my friends that have been going through these experiences has been handling it extremely well. They are able to remain positive and hopeful. They carry on with their lives, and they are still there for their families. Those that are mothers still manage to put their children first.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. It's just that tragic events are beginning to feel commonplace. Normal, everyday occurrences. The idea of that makes me nervous.

I also seem to be getting worse at handling tragedy. I used to be good at supporting others when they were going through such a difficult time. I was even better at it after I experienced it myself. But I feel like a hard shell has formed around me, around my heart. I feel disconnected from the events, from the emotions. When and if I take a moment to truly think about what they are facing- I feel like there's a tidal wave approaching. Like there's this huge sea of emotion in the distance that is coming at me hard and fast- and if I don't slam the door shut very quickly it's going to knock me on my ass.