An Appropriate Level of Interest

I am fully entrenched in the world of dating. Online dating, off-line dating, doesn't matter. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it isn't. But this isn't a complaint post- merely an observation I've made.

I have noticed that I respond rather strongly to the level of interest shown by a man. Yeah, I know- I can hear the "duh's!" as you read this. But what I mean is that I seem to be looking for a very specific level of interest from a man. And I seem to evaluate his feelings towards me before I can figure out how I feel about him.

The men I meet seem to fall under two categories: each end of the spectrum. The men in category #1 come on way too strong, but almost in a needy way. Multiple calls, text messages, emails a day. Excessive disappointment if I'm not available to see them. Way too grateful when I am able to see them. They rush affection by doing things like calling me "sweetie" on the first or second date. They shower me with compliments and seem "amazed" by me.

Men in category #2 are laid back to the nth degree. They don't attempt to make plans until the last minute. They often don't call when they say they will. Email often replaces phone calls. They can come on strongly during dates, be extremely flirtatious and show a high level of interest, but then wait several days until they call again. It's usually clear to me that they have a "take it or leave it" attitude towards me when we're not together. But when we are together, everything seems wonderful in the moment.

Neither category appeals to me. In fact, it's a strong turn-off. I'm looking for something in the middle. When I meet a category #1 guy, I cut it off swiftly and firmly- and it often feels like kicking a puppy. Sometimes, they don't go away quietly. I hear the "you women say you want a nice guy that treats you well, but it's not true..." accusation.

And over the years I've lost my tolerance for category #2 guys. I don't fall for them as easily as I did when I was younger. They've lost their magic. But these are the guys that I end up going on multiple dates with or seeing for a period of time. At this point in my life, they feel kind of "safe". I know I won't fall for them, so I know I won't get hurt. It's a perfect scenario for "just" dating.

I regret that this is a classic case of "baggage". The reason I have such strong reactions to these scenarios is because of experiences in the past. I try to give the person/situation the benefit of the doubt. But my gut usually tells me to get away. Is that my instinct talking or my past? Not sure.

What I'm wondering is this...Is there such a thing as a category #1 guy that actually turns out to be the "right guy"?