Knock My Socks Off...Please

I had an interesting conversation with an eX last night about what it takes to get married. We both notice that the majority of the population manages to find a suitable partner and get married, and yet each of us has managed to be a part of the minority of people that cannot/do not follow that path.

He mentioned that he supposed there were two ways to go about it:

1) Decide you want marriage, determine what you need in a partner and then go about making that happen.

or

2) Wait until someone knocks your socks off enough that it inspires you to want to marry them.

He admitted to falling in the second category (side note- it's not fun to be reminded by an eX that you did not, actually, knock his socks off).

Anyway, it occurred to me that when I was much younger, I was a member of that second category as well. I did not want marriage and family badly enough to pursue it with someone that I was anything less than completely enthralled with. Hence, my failed engagements.

Then I met someone that I was completely head over heels in love with, and it ended tragically. So I stopped looking for that kind of intensity, that kind of love. I knew I would be OK with something warm, full of love, but not necessarily soul-consuming.

So I became a member of the first category. I've wanted marriage and family and have been pretty rational about my search for it. This doesn't mean I've been willing to "settle". I still want someone who is fun, who is my best friend, whom I'm intensely attracted to, whom I trust completely.

The kicker is that I am repeatedly attracted to men who belong to the second category. They are waiting to be completely swept away. And I'm not sure I am capable of sweeping anyone away anymore. No, that's not an indication of an insecurity. It's just an indication that I am becoming cynical.

What am I cynical about? Well, since it's been a long time since I've had my socks knocked off, I feel like that may be a feeling one experiences early in their adult life. A series of relationships, with highs and lows, years of dating and being exposed to the good, bad, and ugly of single life, makes it difficult to become enthralled.

So I think to myself "What would it take for a single man in his forties to become completely swept away by a woman?" And it seems to me the answer is something pretty close to perfection. Which clearly I am not.

So what's the answer? I don't want to be cynical. I don't want to lose the old-fashioned, romantic heart that is in the core of my being. If I am truly someone who is simply logically looking for marriage, it stands to reason it would work best if / when I found a man who also falls into the first category. A man who is looking for marriage but does not need to be head over heels.

And I suspect I would not fall in love with a man like that.

Go figure.