Happy New Year, blah, blah, blah...

I am usually a big fan of the New Year. I have always found it to be a time for reflection, for renewal, for hope and anticipation. At the beginning of each year I say to myself "This is my year! This is the year where I fulfill my deepest desires!"

I've always enjoyed making plans for my year- goals, adventures, risks I want to take. I get consumed with excitement over all the possibilities.

So far, I'm not feeling that this year. I think part of it is because I'm grieving over my Gram's illness...But I'm not sure that's all of it.

I think I'm growing bored with the process. Bored with having the same unfulfilled desires. Bored with putting together the same sorts of plans to achieve what I'm looking for. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Yes, I know I am blessed and there are many things in my life for which I should be grateful. And I am. My business is doing well in spite of a tough economy, I've finally managed to lose most of the weight I've been wanting to get rid of, I have a handful of very dear friends that help me to feel loved, I have a family that is always there for me if and when I need them, I have a beautiful home, and I have children in my life that are precious and that think I'm pretty cool.

Pretty cool, huh?

I wonder if this state of extreme boredom will somehow propel me to do something completely different. Take my life in a very different direction. Because working so hard and feeling so sad about filling a void that is still there, that has always been there, is getting exhausting.