I Fall in Love with Fantasies
All the time.It's my addiction.
Last night, I saw a powerful performance of The Road to Mecca at the Studio Theatre (I highly recommend it). One of the themes the play raised for me was the idea of seeing people for who they really are. Discovering your true self and the true self of others.
It hit me: I fall in love with fantasies! Over and over! In many areas of my life:
1. Men. Obviously. I often become attached to who I think they could be. I even imagine what they are like when they are in love and fully present in a committed relationship, and I fall in love with that feeling.
2. Friendships with women. Because I'm a big fan of deep connection and unconditional love, I sometimes impose that same outlook on my friends. I create a fantasy around the power and the meaning of the friendship. Just because I feel we have a lifelong bond, does not mean they view it the same way.
3. The history of my life. I find myself applying dramatic and romantic meaning to experiences in my life. Rewriting history when it may have just been a bad or ordinary experience.
4. My blog life. It's easy to forget that the people I know through the blogosphere I do not completely know. I have had the experience of creating a person in my mind based on the image and personality they express through blogging. It was sad and disappointing to learn that the person was nothing like that in actuality.
Is this addiction to fantasy wrong or unhealthy?
I'm not sure.
It definitely sets me up for disappointment. And hurt. But I'm not sure I am willing to give it up completely. My fantasies are part of who I am, also.
posted by Aileen @ 2:19 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
I'm impressed that you were able to make so much sense out of this complex theme.
I think women indulge in fantasy to a greater degree than men do. I sometimes find that it's the fantasy that I cling to, not being willing to admit that it doesn't match reality.
Addiction (and that's a very good word) to fantasy definitely sets you up for potential disappointment, but at the same time you might never have certain experiences if you weren't a believer.
When we're licking our wounds, would we do it again if given a chance? Invariably the answer is yes, at least for me that is.
My goal is to hover in that space where fantasy and reality converge, but sometimes I lean a little to far one way or the other.
I don't think it's wrong or unhealthy to fantasize -- we all do that. It's only problematic when we can't let go of the fantasy and see things anew for what they really are. (And see things anew over and over again, since things and people are all constantly changing.) Easier said than done, I know!
We're taught from such a very young age to fantasize, to dream - that seems to be the whole point of Disney. It's hard to reconcile that with the "real world" but I can't imagine a world without the fantasies, even if it would be "easier," if your hopes couldn't be dashed because you didn't have any.
I'd rather dream.
And apologies for the inarticulateness of this.
nothing wrong with a little bit o' fantasy... but I also think Barbara and Steve are correct on this one.
Barbara, are you kiddingme?
When I am at the Grocery Store and some woman accidentally looks my way I am already thinkin'...
'Uh-oh, she wants me BIG -TIME!"
Ifi really believed it well, that would be unheathy...or insane.
Hi aileen!
I live totally in my head...it is easy to get sucked in to the fantasy. You articulated this really well.
I have spent a lot of time fantasizing..my feeling is that for me, it imprisons my energy by placing it outside of me. I suppose I'm talking mostly about having huge crushes on guys really...
i think Steve's right - its a natural instinct for a lot of us. Maybe its only a problem if the fantasies become an alternative to reality rather than something that links, complements, relates to....
Fantasty, good.
Reality, good.
It is all good when you can keep the balance. (BTW, you chose an excellent picture there for this post.)
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