Quid Pro Quo...
Karma... What goes around comes around... You reap what you sow... Tit for tat...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...
I've realized lately that this is how I live my life. I guess because it's a concept I can wrap my head around. It puts me in the driver's seat, gives me control.
So every joy I've had in my life, every accomplishment I've had, I feel that I've deserved. I've earned.
Which is great, fine. Except when you look at the opposite. Every trauma I've had, every hurt, every sorrow...has also been "earned"? The biggest, current sorrow in my life is that I have not yet found my partner, and therefore do not have a family of my own. As I continue to deal with this unfulfilled, missing part of my life, I've also applied this philosophy:
If I do _____, then I'll get ______.
So yeah, I've heard every cliche when it comes to women like myself looking for their life partner. And I've always thought most of it was bullshit. But I realized, I've done a bit of it to myself too.
If I ________, then I'll find my life partner.
I've been spending my life filling in that first blank:
If I...
...learn to love myself
...let go and accept my life as it is
...stop looking
...actively look
...work on my communication issues
...learn to be a better friend to my friends and family
...learn to be a better friend to my friends and family
...give back to the world
...try to be the best person I can be
The first blank has been successfully filled in time and time again.
I think it may be a flawed equation. I may have to just go back to the drawing board.
posted by Aileen @ 2:50 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
I think it is a flawed equation; you hit it on the head. There is control over the first part of the equation but the 2nd part, no control. You may indeed "get" something but it may not be what you've filled in the blank as. I think a more fitting equation is "If I do ____, I'll feel/be ____." Then you have control of both sides of the equation.
I'm a firm believer in karma, but I have a different approach. I actually just try to balance out the bad - horrible week? Be nicer to people. Volunteer. Smile more. I've never considered using it to get more than a better week.
Unfortunately there is no magic formula. It was almost easier when parents chose a partner for their child. Then there was always someone else to blame if it didn't work out. I can cite multiple people I know who found true love for the first time at an age much greater than yours, as if that's supposed to make you feel better. The only thing I can do is keep my eyes open for potential partners for you!
I feel like I am a publicist for Shirley MacLaine because so many things I read now relate to topics she wrote about in her latest book 'Sage-ing While Age-ing'. In it she writes of Karma as being more than just what has happened in this life time. It incorporates our whole experience including past lives and that we make the decision before we are born about certain ways that we want to correct or balance out our karma.
It can seem crazy or not - who really knows the truth for sure? But given the possibility that that is true then this may be the one big lesson you are meant to learn and grow from.
For me it at least takes some of the stresses away. My big 'want' that has yet to happen is to be a father but for whatever reason it has not happened. I must be happier this way - and if and when it happens perhaps I'll be better prepared.
Ahhh...yes! My commenters never disappoint! I knew you would "get" it. And I just knew that someone would point out that I'm perhaps looking at Karma in the wrong way. It doesn't mean as much if you are doing good things just because you are hoping (expecting) good things in return! That seems selfish which can impact Karma as well...
Barbara- as long as you're keeping your eyes open for me, I like dark hair and light eyes! :) (kidding- that is my favorite type, but I'm sooo not holding out for that!)
Gary- you've hit on a topic I've been thinking about a lot. Sometimes I get pissed at my "self" for choosing these particular lessons for me this time around....
Wow, there's a lot of wisdom here. Having not found a partner myself, I'm not the best person to ask. But I often think that part of our problem in the modern era is all the requirements we attach to love. I think people in earlier generations often "made it work" even if they weren't truly in love -- or often married for more practical reasons than we would consider today. In other words, we have so much leeway and choice that it's both a blessing and a curse. It's like being paralyzed by a thick menu at a restaurant, instead of just eating what's there. I hope that's not cynical.
p.s. -- Let's definitely get a drink when you come to NYC! :)
Steve- Wait! You mean holding out for someone who makes you weak in the knees, starts fireworks when he kisses you, is a night person with a great job, who has dark hair, light eyes, has never been married but wants to be, doesn't have kids but would like to have them even if it means adoption, doesn't smoke, has good taste in movies, and thinks I'm the greatest thing since slice bread...might be a little too much to hold out for? :)
Kidding! I get exactly what you were saying...!
Hey there, Aileen. I got here by way of your comment on my gardening post. Thanks so much for stopping by - I was pleased that you commented and hope you'll continue to swing by the Bodhi Tree from time to time. (: )
So, I see that you are from DC, and you have a pretty unusual name. Are you by chance friends with Peggy Coulombe and a paddler of canoes? If so, we have met (Peg used to walk my dogs and always invited me to her Walter Street parties); if not, never mind!
As for your post: That equation troubles me, probably because I lived by it for years to no avail. I think that the real sticking point of the equation is that it begins with an "if" - it assumes that you need to do something other than what you're naturally doing to deserve a partner who meets your needs. You don't! You're deserving just as you are. (: )
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