A Second Glance Back

My graduating high school class has found me on facebook. I've accepted the friend requests out of curiosity- Who are these people I barely remember?

I kinda thought high school was a piece of my life that had no real impact on me. Positive or negative. I have not kept in touch with any of my "friends" from high school- primarily because when I left high school and gained some perspective, I realized that those I thought were friends, weren't.

What's been interesting is taking glimpses into the lives of these people now. Many of them seem interesting, accomplished, happy, etc. People I would probably really like if I met them today. And I barely noticed them in high school.

It really got me thinking (yet again) about how I go about choosing whom to have in my life. It has reminded me that I generally have not been very good in this area.

I was not popular in high school. On paper, it seemed like I was: I was captain of the cheerleading squad, I was president of the debate team, I was the lead in our senior play, and a member of the Honor society. I consistently won awards and enjoyed all sorts of recognition. I was kinda cute, but kinda awkward, being tall, skinny, and under-developed. I was a "clique-hopper", never truly fitting in with any particular group. I had a couple of very close girlfriends that were very cruel to me behind my back (and sometimes to my face). As a cheerleader, when a half dozen of us were caught smoking a shared cigarette, the other girls told their parents it was my cigarette, to keep blame away from them. I can only imagine what those parents thought as they saw me allow all six of us to be kicked off the squad for "my" crime.

The picture above is an actual prom picture of the football team that I cheered for all through high school, with their dates. I'm not in the picture. I did not go to either of my proms. Why? Junior year I was dating an older (college) boy who said he wasn't interested in high school proms- then later confessed he was hoping he could go with my best friend. Senior year I was dating yet another older boy (a high school graduate, but not a college student) who thought proms were "gay". I told myself I didn't go to my proms because I was into older guys, but in reality it was because no one asked me.

What a ridiculously embarrassing metaphor for my life. I was terrible at choosing friends, terrible at choosing dates. I allowed myself to be treated badly, and I was intimidated by those that were probably quality people.

While I still see traces of this in my current life (twenty five years later!!), I am beginning to feel an evolution of sorts. I am very conscious of my choices and decisions...I work hard at eliminating those that don't deserve to be in my life. I am aware of my bad habits, and bad patterns and doing what I can to break them.

On a slightly related, entertaining note: one of the people who has contacted me on FB is my old high school business teacher. He was 23, I was 16...we had what could have been called an inappropriate friendship. And now, with me 42 and him 49...receiving flirtatious emails from him is just cracking me up! Though it's a little creepy to have this man recall how "cute" I was in my cheerleader uniform...