One Man's Opinion

Last week I was having a conversation with a guy friend of mine. Our friendship usually centers around talking about his dating life, and I freely give my opinions and advice. I rarely discuss my love life with him, though sometimes I may share vague complaints.

Then a few days later, I received an interesting email from him:

"...If you don't mind my saying so, I think you also could use some advice. You seem to have a pretty clear idea of what your needs are but I get the sense that you don't know how to ask for what you want/need from men. Rather, it seems like you feel the right guy will simply "know what you want" (probably part of that whole "man up" philosophy) and act accordingly.

The problem there is it just doesn't work that way, especially in this era when women and men are supposedly on equal footing. It may be arrogant/presumptious of me to speak for all men, but if there's one thing I know, it's that men (and women, for that matter) aren't telepaths -- so women need to become more skilled at letting men know what they want.

There are plenty of great guys out there who are decent and honorable but may not have a clue about a woman's needs -- probably because the women in their pasts just dumped them feeling that "if he was the right guy, he would have known how to please me", without ever telling the guy what he did wrong and thus denying him the opportunity to learn from the relationship.

In short, sometimes, especially on matters of fundamental importance, you simply need to let the guy know what you want and need from a relationship -- and sooner rather than later so that you don't waste time in a relationship with someone who either can't or won't fulfill your needs. The flipside of course is that it's not enough to know your needs and find a man who can satisfy them -- you must be able to fulfill his needs in return. That's what makes relationships such a challenge -- having all those variables fall into place for a prospective couple is a pretty tall order."

Now, I'd say his assessment of me is only around 30% accurate, but that's not what I'd like to discuss. I want to talk about this issue of "women need to become more skilled at letting men know what they want".

Really?

Is it that much of a mystery?

Are our wants and needs that unique and difficult to figure out?

Seriously.

I know the standard joke is that men's needs are simple: sleep, food, and sex and they're pretty content.

But aren't women's needs just as simple? If you had to simplify them, what would they be?