Dating Like Seinfeld

Remember how Jerry used to have a different girlfriend every episode? And he would sit in the diner with George, Elaine, and Kramer and pick them apart? The high talker, the low talker, the girl with the man-hands, the girl that was naked all the time, the girl with a name that rhymed with a female body part. I could go on and on. But it was an ongoing joke that Jerry was quite particular (and shallow) about the women he dated.



The stereotype for a single woman my age is that we have a tendency to lower our standards, and pretty much take whoever will have us. Simply to avoid the "horrible life" of a single woman.



I believe I'm becoming more like Seinfeld. And until very recently, I was feeling quite guilty about it, and considering changing. Take a look at some of the reasons I've had for rejecting men that I've dated/ or could have dated over the past several months:



* He looked old. More specifically, he had an old neck.

* He was a big "Earth, Wind, and Fire" fan

* He's too short. (He said 5'8", but I'm 5'7" and he wasn't taller than me.)

* He's lived in this area his entire life, and has never lived anywhere else.

* His entire family lives within a five mile radius of him.

* He's 10 years older than me.

* He's 11 years younger than me.

* He has terrible taste in clothes.

* His first few calls to me were after 10 pm at night (and closer to 11.)

* He didn't call when he said he would.

* His name was Bob.

* He's a salesman, and always has been.

* He's unemployed and doesn't really seem to know what to do next.

* Of all the places in the DC metro area, he chose the Tabletop Diner for our first date.

* He talks about money a lot, in a very cost-conscious way.

* He avoids the beach because he has fair skin.

* He called me "sweetie" on our first date.



Now, before you blast me, let me explain. Some of these reasons weren't the only reason why I decided someone wasn't right for me. Yes, I am aware that I'm not God's gift to men, and I shouldn't be so critical. And yes, I also realize some of my reasons are a bit hypocritical: (I'm sort of in sales, I am very careful at the beach because of my fair skin, etc.) Friends wonder if I'm being too picky; they wonder what I'm looking for. At this point, I think I have sort of a "I'll know it when I see it" attitude. No hurries, no worries.



Rewind to my teenage years. I lost my virginity when I was 19. That was considered late even back then. It wasn't because I had no interest in sex. It wasn't because I was "waiting for marriage" or anything. I probably began considering sex a possibility at the age of 15 or so. But I had one basic requirement for the first man I would sleep with.



I had to be absolutely sure that he liked me at least as much as I liked him.



Of course many boys acted like they liked me. A lot. I heard many "I love you's". But I was never absolutely sure. I trusted my gut, and it steered me in the right direction. Then I met R, and I was absolutely sure. And apparently I was right, since we stayed together for seven years after that.



Somewhere along the line, I stopped trusting my gut. (I think the fear of the biological clock had something to do with it.) I thought I needed to be more "open", more "accepting". Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Wait until there are three strikes (and even then- what do I consider a "strike"?) So I gave the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I became blind to the issues that would normally bother me. And I regretted it. Every. Single. Time.



I feel like I'm back to my teenager approach of having one simple requirement. I will not date someone unless it simply feels right. And I believe that my resistance to seemingly trivial details about someone is just my instinct sending me clues.



Finally! I'm once again on speaking terms with my instinct.