Crush

I think my client has a crush on me.

He appears nervous around me. He looks at me a bit too intently. Last week, at his company's holiday party, he spent way too much time talking to me. (It's his company and about 40 of his employees were there to 'schmooze'.)

Now, this is inappropriate for a number of reasons:

1. He's my client.

2. He's more than 20 years older than me.

3. He's married.

I am very uncomfortable with his attention. It gives me an "icky" feeling. I do my best to ignore it, and of course remain professional. But it probably does affect my interaction with him. I am much more communicative with other clients. I take them to lunch or sometimes dinner. Not this guy. It would feel too weird.

It's not even that I think he would make some kind of move on me. I'm quite confident he wouldn't. He doesn't seem to be the cheating type; he strikes me as being very professional and gentlemanly.

It's just that in general, I really hate it when someone is attracted to me when I don't feel the same way. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. But it does.

But here's the kicker:

I have a crush on one of my client's employees.

I feel like such a hypocrite!

I have to spend a decent amount of time in one-on-one coaching sessions with this guy. I find my crush amusing. Though it is equally inappropriate:

1. He's my client's employee.

2. He's about 10-14 years younger than me.

3. He has a live-in girlfriend.

What I find amusing about my interactions with this young man is that it appears that he senses some sort of "something". (Trust me- I do not do or say anything to give away my attraction. My acting abilities make me oh-so-skilled at hiding things.)

He also appears nervous around me. But in a male-nervous-laughter kind of way. He also does the classic "looking several inches below my eyes when he thinks I won't notice" thing. When I catch him sneaking looks at me, I find it funny. And cute.

It's only the interaction that is fun and entertaining. I would never get involved with this guy. He has a girlfriend, for one thing. He's much too young for my taste, and I'm not really physically attracted to him, or to his personality type.

But in reality, he's not acting much differently than his much-older boss. Yet, I have a drastically different reaction to it. Why does the attention of the older guy feel almost like an insult, yet the reactions of the younger guy feel like a nice compliment? This awareness makes me a little sad because I want to tell myself that age doesn't matter. But I guess it does.