The Knot

There's a knot in the pit of my stomach. An ache. It starts out strong in the early hours of the morning and it fades as the day goes on. It sometimes makes it difficult to get up in the morning- I try to relax, breathe, meditate. I could label it: stress, anxiety, worry. Over the years, when I've had something troubling me I often find myself disliking the knot more than the actual issue that's causing it.

I haven't figured out why I get the knot. It doesn't appear to do me any good. It doesn't propel me to action. It seems to be an added annoyance during times when I have enough on my mind.

Now is a good example of when the knot gets in the way. What is troubling me is not life-threatening. It's not even at the level of "crisis". It's an upcoming event that I know will cause me heartache, but I also know in the bigger sense, is for the best. Yet the knot is making it harder- making me dread the event, making me think about the feelings I will have, the hurt I will have to go through, making me think about how badly I'd like alternatives to happen. Sometimes, I'm even able to temporarily make the knot go away by creating fantasies of "happy endings" to this story. Surely, fantasies and denial aren't the best solutions in cases like this.

Is there a healthy way to get rid of the knot? A vitamin I can take? An exercise I can do? Or do I just have to "push through it"?