How do you place a value on a friendship?
For as long as I can remember, I've often placed a higher value on certain friendships than the other person did. My first friend, let's call her "Lisa", was my best friend from the age of 4 all the way through high school. It was only in high school that I learned that she hadn't been my friend- she was very disloyal and did many hurtful things behind my back, and had been acting that way for years.
I'm not trying to paint a sad picture- I'm simply intrigued by the questions. How do people usually assess how the other person feels about them? For me, it gets to a certain point and I'm incredibly loyal, devoted, etc. The love and the friendship truly become "unconditional". But then, too many times, I learn that the other person hasn't viewed the friendship in quite the same way. They haven't placed the value on it that I have. The nature of the relationship doesn't seem to matter either- it can be a girl friend or a romantic relationship.
In the past, I've tried to assess the value based on gut. Of course, that doesn't work. As I've grown older, I've assessed based on words and actions, but I don't seem to be getting any better at it.
Somewhere along the way, I have lost (or never had) an accurate "compass" for these things. Are most people born with it? Is it learned? Or is it hit or miss for everyone?
Maybe the question is- why assess at all? Why even attempt to put a value on it? My initial reaction to that is because I want to have more friendship/relationships that are closer to 50/50 in feeling and devotion.
posted by Aileen @ 1:05 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Some people are more skilled at devotion than others. Friendship, like almost everything else in life, is a talent, at least I think it is. I have friends who appear, then disappear, then appear again - others on whom I can always count.
Really appreciate your thoughts on this. You remind me a lot of someone else I know who is a loyal friend. I'm loving reading this blog.
i have been thinking similar thoughts as well....friendships, to me, must be dealt with the same utmost attention we give to intimate relationships. i do think friends are like family, and most of the time certain friends of mine don't have that same definition.
p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog. :)
I don't think you can "assess" how someone feels about you. And I'm not sure if you can even judge how someone may feel about you based on his/her actions. Why? Because we all have our issues, yes? And how someone treats me tells me much more about him or her than it tells me about me. In terms of the 50/50, I think that's less problematic though still tough. I think that can be about logistics - I call/email/schedule with you then you call/email/schedule with me. Of course it doesn't have to be my turn, then your turn, then my turn again. But it does have to have some balance to it. And then you just love. Love with all your heart and wish the best for the other person.
I agree with Reya. I love reading this blog.
Reya, Chai, and Andria...
Thank you so much for your thoughts and comments. It helps to hear that others have had similar thoughts. You've given me more to think about! I love that!
A
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