Vision

I took a "relationship" class last year. It was supposed to be about how to find and keep a solid, healthy relationship. One of the early exercises we did was to spend time trying to define our own values. What's important in life? What do we want to be remembered for? What experiences do we want to have in our life?

The exercises were easy for me, but it was a little surprising to see a pattern forming relatively early on. What was important to me? Enjoying life, always trying new things, being adventurous. All in all- having a great time. Not very deep, huh? While classmates talked about the difference they wanted to make in the world, my desires were not quite the same.

Did I want to make a difference? Absolutely. But I don't have an overwhelming desire to save the planet or to help those less fortunate. That's not to say I don't try to contribute in those ways, I do. It's just not what defines my life. I prefer to make a difference by having an impact on those I'm close to. Friends, family, colleagues, co-workers, employees. I get a strong satisfaction knowing when I've made a difference in their lives.

I was faced with the mission in my life: Making a difference in the lives of those I love. Now I had to ask myself the tough question- was I succeeding? Was I doing that?

Sadly, the answer was no. Not a complete no, but not enough of a "yes" to give me the fulfillment and meaning I am looking for. I believe in unconditional love- of friends, of family, of significant others that I love. But sometimes "unconditional love" gives me the excuse to not quite hold up my end of the deal.

I've begun to take a look at the different "roles" I play in the lives of others...'friend', 'sister', 'daughter', 'aunt'. The good news is that the answer is quite clear to me. I know what needs to be done. It's just going to be damn hard to get there.