The Appeal of a (Wise) Woman

I read a blog post yesterday that really brought back memories. It was written by one of the many 20-something single female bloggers. She was intensely frustrated and angry about the men she was meeting- they were consistently hitting on her, and somehow it was in a way that showed her they were only interested in sex. Apparently, she's not really looking for or wanting a relationship at the moment, but she's simply tired of men approaching her in this way. I also thought it was interesting that she said that of all the men she's known, only 3 of them were interested in her for who she is, and not just for sex.

This brought back memories for me. I had very similar feelings when I was her age. I was living in Manhattan, and I remember being downright disgusted by the type of attention I received from men. I felt violated by the way they looked at me, by the way they spoke to me, by the way they approached me. My experience in NY led me to lead a "no eye contact" life- one that has followed me to the current day, I think.

Now- 15 years later, I have a different perspective. I'm not sure how I (or this current female blogger) could be so sure as to a man's overall intentions. I've learned that many men... bad guys, creepy guys, normal guys, nice guys, incredible guys...can't really help it if their first response to a woman is sexual. Of course some are better at hiding it than others. But often, if a man is too good at hiding it, they don't really get anywhere with a woman. They are in danger of being in "friend mode" or labeled the "nice guy".

I've known men that have been interested in me as a person- emotionally, intellectually etc. That didn't stop them from approaching me in a more physical sense. And sometimes if I didn't know better, I would have thought they were only interested in one thing. It usually took a little bit of time to find out. I'm not referring to those that say or do offensive things. I'm referring to the ones that you meet that have that extra spark or hunger in their eyes.

I wanted to tell the female blogger to enjoy her appeal, enjoy the attention, and just continue to be selective about who she chooses to spend her time with. I wanted to tell her that while the attention will continue for many years to come, it lessens and it changes. I wanted to tell her to give these 20-something boys a break- they can't help it if their approach is immature and obvious.

Then I remembered that if anyone had said any of those things to me when I was in my 20s, I would have been horrified.