Don't Ask, Don't Tell
There's a lot going on in my life that I can't/won't blog about. When I started this blog, several months ago, it was to help me explore relationships. All kinds. Friendships, intimacy, communication. I wanted to increase my ability to build strong connections with the people in my life.
The public aspect of this medium actually turned out to be more cathartic than I originally thought it would be. I guess there is this feeling of "putting it out into the universe". By getting the universe involved, you were making a commitment. You were validating the importance of what you were talking about.
I also had (have) a desire to keep this blog reasonably private. Sometimes I reveal very personal thoughts or feelings that I have, or actions I have taken. However, I do not post anything too personal that would overtly reveal my identity or that would embarrass me if my identity was posted. Also, several people that know me read this blog. Friends, acquaintances, and even former bf's. Sometimes, when I write a post, I think of all the people that I know that read this blog, and I try to decide if what I wrote is "OK". Will I offend anyone? Will I hurt their feelings? Will they take it the wrong way? I try not to edit, but sometimes it's difficult.
So I'm struggling with how much I can say about some of the things I am currently experiencing. If you've been reading this blog, you know that last year was a very emotional, intense, transitional year for me. You know that I've somewhat recently experienced heartache. You know that I've been working on moving forward in my life. You know that finding a partner is important to me. You know that I've been dealing with the issue of aging.
I'd like to explore these issues more deeply. I am going to attempt to do this without sacrificing my privacy or the privacy of those I care about. And I'm going to try to do it without caring what others will think of what I wrote. I suspect the issues I want to address are probably universal, and that's why I want to share...
Here's my question to my fellow bloggers...how do you walk the fine line between openly sharing yet respecting appropriate privacy?
Labels: connections, heartache, privacy, sharing
posted by Aileen @ 12:03 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I don't know how well I've succeeded with the privacy issue. Of the people I've written about, only two even know of my blog, and only one has read it. He said I'd done a decent job of being fair. I don't include any information that could reveal the real identity of someone I've blogged about (except the one time I included a cheater's name, but that was public service). Since many of my friends read my blog, I moderate comments to keep any containing my name or other indentifying information from slipping through. Other than that, I really don't know what to recommend.
It definitely does complicate things to think of the people who are reading what you write and their feelings regarding what you address. There can definitely be a desire, whether obvious or not, to change what you might want to say based on their possible reactions. And when you start doing that, what's the point, really?
*sigh* I guess I really have nothing to add. Just be true to you. The people who love you still will, and everyone else, well... they can just... go.
Well, I try to make sure that I read and think carefully before I push the publish button, but I think that you're smart to think about how much information you want to share.
Oh. I'm not helping, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about the question! :)
I can completly understand your situation at hand about keeping things private even though they are on the internet. I just recently started blogging and don't have that many readers, very few in fact. So, at the moment I feel more free to write about whatever I please. However, almost always even after I've published I'll go back and edit things. It's been a good idea these blogs. When you were talking about building connections with people. It's a different type of outlet and I think you should be able to be more open with what you can say. Now whether you see certain people everyday who also read your blog just might be another thing.
Sometimes I wish I had an anonymous blog.
I guess when it comes to deciding whether to write about something or not, I try to put myself in the shoes of the person I plan on including in the post--see whether I'd be comfortable with the idea if I were in his/her shoes.
This is a struggle I often have as I write. I have posted about it on more than one occasion. I have made serious mistakes that hurt people I dearly love. I have taken down posts at their requests. There are still so many things I would like to write about that are just off limits because I know at least some of the people who read what I write. I have often said that my Blog is a really inexpensive form of psychotherapy. I have learned as much from my commenters as I did in months of therapy at $150 an hour.
The bottom line is you have to trust your own judgment, knowing that you may make some mistakes. You will gradually understand the limits and it will become less of a problem. At least, that's my take on your question.
I write a lot of things that I just don't post. It's the writing that helps me, not the posting, but it's a tough situation.
One of the marvelous things about blogging is that it's a totally uncensored public realm - just about the only free space left. Because we're still learning how these blog connections and relationships work, mistakes are often made. I've been called upon to take down posts that were too revealing. I've also asked others to remove personal information about me that they posted in all innocence.
Finding the boundaries of the blog universe is part of what we all are doing. Your thoughtful post is great food for thought. Thank you for working through this with your very talented mind and heart. I salute you!
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