Making Dysfunction Functional
Perhaps it would be easier if I saw them more often. Or spoke to them more often. But I am no longer used to my family dynamic on a day to day basis. So when I am in a situation where I am spending some quality time with them, I feel completely out of sorts. At times, the way they interact and function just feels entirely dysfunctional. Yet, they seem to be perfectly OK with it. And they seem to think it's even a bit funny. And eventually I become the one that appears to be dysfunctional.
Maybe I am. Some say that perception is reality. But when it gets to the point when I am accused of being and acting in a way that is alien from how I see myself, I have to ask "who am I? and why don't they know me?"
Last night, my mother told me that I am "difficult to get along with and very inflexible." In reality, I tend to have a reputation of being the direct opposite of that. Or so I think. But if that's true, why doesn't my own mother know that? Of course I have to take some accountability for it- clearly I haven't let her know me. Sigh. So much work do to do! :)
posted by Aileen @ 3:09 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Why did your mother feel it was important to insult you? Or maybe a more useful question is, what did she hope to accomplish by saying those awful things (whether or not she believes them, whether or not they're true)? Was she shaming you? Trying to make you stop doing whatever you were doing? Families are so very strange, which is one reason everyone in my family lives about a thousand miles away from everyone else.
Maybe the dynamics of your family will at some point become funny to you, too, so when someone insults you it'll be easy to laugh it off. I hope so!
Very good questions Reya- you've made me think. There was definitely a purpose behind her words, and now that I think about it, it was more about her than me.
Ah, you have hit the nail on the head: "it was more about her than me." Unfortunately (or fortunately, I am not sure which) most of our interactions with people are more about the one talking than about the one listening. It's more generous to listen than to talk, don't you think?
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