An Old Code Making a Comeback

When I was a teenage virgin there were times when I considered my virginity a burden. I felt it separated me from others and put me in the minority. I wanted to be considered desirable, sexy. I'm not sure I really knew what that meant other than the fact that men (boys) would want me physically.

However, I did not want to be considered easy. I wanted my first time to be special, to be with someone who deserved to be with me.

I set forth a simple rule: I would not sleep with any man until I knew for sure that he liked me as much as I liked him.

It took a few years to find someone that met my requirements. At 19, I finally found it. I chose correctly because he and I were together for seven years.

But somehow as I grew older, I forgot all about my old "code". Not that I needed a code to select bed partners, but perhaps it would have benefited me to apply that code to relationships in general:

I will not be in a relationship with any man (or woman) until I know for sure that he (she) likes me as much as I like him (her).

OK... that doesn't quite sound right. I don't always have to have the emotional upper hand in every relationship I have, right? So how about this modification:


I will not remain in any relationship with anyone who does not treat me in a way that shows he/she cares about me as much as I care about them.

When I take that measuring stick and apply it to the people in my life, there are a few people that do not make the cut.

Why do I even need a code? Because my intellectual judgment is so much better than my emotional judgment. Because somewhere along the way, I became way too tolerant, way too forgiving and understanding, and that has led to some dysfunctional relationships.

Which doesn't make sense when I think about it objectively. My behavior would indicate that I don't fully believe that I deserve the best. That I don't deserve to be treated with care.

That simply ain't so.

I know I'm a good person, with a big heart. I know I have a lot to give my close friends and any man who will be lucky enough to get me. I know I am blessed with intellect, humor, success, sensuality, attractiveness, and an ability to have fun. So why would I put up with sub-par friendships or relationships?

Ain't gonna happen anymore.