Bad Date Contest Entry

I'm entering Restaurant Refugee's Bad Date Contest.

Fortunately, I have not had a lot of "bad dates". I've had dull dates. I've had so-so dates. And I have had dates where I had a good time, but didn't particularly care if I saw the guy again. But few are in the category of "bad".

But Seth qualifies.

We met off Match.com. He seemed like a good guy on paper- reasonably attractive, intelligent, a variety of interests, a quirky writing style. I must have been interested since I responded to his emails and eventually gave him my phone number.

I should have known something was off in the conversation. I don't remember too many details of what we talked about- I think it was an easy back and forth, which is a good thing. We joked a bit about our online experiences and how odd the whole thing seems to be.

He shared "bad date" experiences with me...telling me that on more than one occasion he met up with a woman from match who ended up looking nothing like her pictures. One was many years older, another was about 50 lbs heavier. He was telling me about how he doesn't mean to be superficial, but it took him off guard and made him uncomfortable. He also talked about how important chemistry and physical attraction is, so when the person looks entirely different from the pictures they post, it sets the date up for failure.

I agreed with what he said. I hadn't really experienced that kind of dishonesty the way he had. The only thing close was that many men seem to add a couple inches to their height. So I've met up with men who were around 5'9" or less, who claimed to be 6'. Not that that is a big deal, but if I had known, I wouldn't have worn my heels.

So Seth asked me three times during the course of our phone conversation how current my pics were. At that time, my primary photo was weeks old and I had other pictures ranging in age from months old to a couple years. But generally, I looked like my pictures. And he was sort of jokingly asking me...so I joked back. But I wasn't offended by the repeat question.

All in all, I enjoyed our conversation, so we made plans to meet for lunch days later.

I show up at the restaurant and scan the bar area where we decided to meet. At first glance, I do not see him. Then, a man turns to look at me and he is beaming ear to ear. He approaches me and says "Ah! Aileen! You do look just like your pictures!" as he hugs me in greeting.

Seth is about 100 pounds heavier than his photos. (You saw that coming, didn't you?)

I'm shocked. I'm thrown off balance. And on the inside, I'm mad as hell. Now mind you, it's not that he's heavy that makes me angry- I have dated a few large men, though it's not particularly my preference. No...I was pissed that he was dishonest- AND made such a big deal about what I would look like.

But being courteous, I proceed to have lunch with him. I am barely holding up my end of the conversation, but Seth does not seem to notice. He is so pleased that I look like my pictures and says so several times. I'm simply flabbergasted.

Then he begins to talk about what we discussed on the phone about the importance of chemistry and physical attraction. He asks me "So are you attracted to me?" with this sly smile on his face, as if assuming a positive response.

I simply laugh off his question and sort of change the subject. Minutes later he asks again "Are you attracted to me?"

Since he was forcing my hand, I had to put it out there. "Not really, no. Sorry."

Somehow, that doesn't discourage him. He actually says he thinks it could still happen, since he feels a "connection" between us.

He invites me to take a walk with him after lunch. I politely decline- he seems surprised! And when I make an excuse, he gives me a wounded puppy kind of look. Finally, we leave the restaurant and go our separate ways. It was at that point, I promised myself "no more blind dates over a meal- coffee is just fine!"

Days later, he emailed me asking if he could have another shot. I declined and told him I was not at all interested. He asked why.

Why???? Seriously???

I then explained that it was shocking to me that he would go on and on about how terrible it is for someone to show up for a date when they look nothing like their pictures, when he is clearly using old photos on his profile.

He denied it, saying that many people told him he actually looks better in person than in his pictures.

Did he really think 100lbs wasn't noticeable?