Do You Think I'm Sexy? I hope so! You better not!

What do you get when you mix a very sexual, very adventurous, free-spirited woman with a strict Catholic upbringing, a prudish mother, and a dash of insecurity?

Well. You get me.

And probably some (many?) of you.

But what happens to me as a result of this interesting mix is that I'm a little schizophrenic at times. A bit of the Madonna / whore syndrome.

Who do I want to be? How do I want to be treated? Depends on the day. Depends on the person.

In my dating experience, men have always wanted to put me in a category, a box: the buddy/friend box, the exciting risque sex partner box, the girlfriend box, the potential wife/mother of his kids box.

I have been placed firmly in each box at one time or another. But never more than one box at the same time by the same man. And yet, I want to be in all of those boxes at once, damnit!

When I'm in a dating relationship, I am rarely satisfied with the box I've been placed in. For example, if the man comes on too strong sexually, if our physical relationship advances quickly and becomes hot and nasty, I get extremely uncomfortable. I start to think that's all he wants. And I resent it, of course. So I usually end up resisting every step of the way making sure I don't make it all the way into the sex whore box.

What has happened in this scenario is that I'm often successful at making it clear that I'm "not that kind of girl". So then I'm in the girlfriend box. And he cheats on me with some freaky chick from work.

On the flip side, if it moves too slowly, if it takes a long time for the physical relationship to develop and I'm not "fighting him off" every time we're alone, I get equally uncomfortable! I worry that he's not feeling enough "spark" or that we will get bored quickly. And I worry that we may not be sexually compatible. If we miss our window of opportunity for passion, doesn't that mean the passion will never come?

To "fix" this scenario, I've been known to pull out all the stops. All my vixen tricks. Apparently, I can be quite good at this because I've turned many a nice guy into a kinky perv. And I never find my way back into the girlfriend box.

Soooo...I've been thinking back through my history and trying to come up with a man / relationship that had the perfect balance of girlfriend vs. adventurous slut. Can't think of one. Perhaps that's why I haven't married yet?

If I could create the perfect scenario, it would look like this: The man makes it very clear he wants me in bed. Badly. Like he can barely control himself. I can feel the urgent hunger in his kisses. Meanwhile, he treats me well, we become great friends, have a great time together. And I fend off his sexual advances. At least until I know I want a committed relationship with him, and I'm sure he feels the same.

Then as the relationship continues, there's a consistent balance between girlfriend and adventurous slut. Until we ultimately achieve potential wife/mother of his kids status.

Ah. How nice!