Ahhhhh! Testosterone.

I've been beating myself up for the past few weeks. Primarily because I've been having a really hard time with my man-free summer.

I mean, geesh. I know I have needs- emotional, sexual, companionship, etc. But certainly I can go a couple months getting those needs met without having a man in my life, right?

I said...right??????

It seemed to me I was being weak. Is it loneliness? Insecurity? Fear? Hormones?

Please don't tell me I'm one of those women that needs to have a man in my life?!

Anything but that!

So today, as I fought off the desire to call/email/text a man, I had an "aha" moment: I am not longing for a romantic relationship. Or even a sexual relationship.

I simply need male energy in my life.

And if I don't get it- I feel like something's missing.

Suddenly, it was clear. I was raised surrounded by boys. Brothers, cousins. I was the only girl. It is in male company that I feel the most "safe", "connected", "home". Of course!

Though I have worked the last few years at connecting with women, appreciating women etc., it's still doesn't give me the same "home sweet home" feeling that I get when I'm with men.

Now, I can give myself permission to have more male friends. Just because I'm spending time with someone doesn't mean I have to date them. Yeah- I realize how obvious that sounds. But when you are a single woman, who is ultimately looking for a life partner, it is difficult to foster male friendships. I mean- if he's a great guy, and I enjoy spending time with him, shouldn't I be dating him? It has just occurred to me that the answer to that question is- Not necessarily.

I feel so much better now!