Go Ahead and Try...

...to kick me when I'm down. It won't work.

A client fired me today. It's been an unpleasant and painful situation that has been unfolding over the past few weeks. My first response when I got the final call today was relief, because this really has been an issue taking up way too much of my time and energy.

Yes, it's bad enough that a client was unhappy with me to the point of no longer desiring my services, but unfortunately this goes a bit deeper than that. My demise was brought about through several conversations with several people about my performance. Conversations that took place without me. Accusations were made, and not only did I not get the feedback, I had no opportunity to respond to the feedback or even make corrections where they could have been made.

There's even a couple "kickers" to this fiasco. My client wants me to finish one last obligation which would require me to spend a half day working with and leading the people who ultimately asked for my removal. And my client suggested that I could organize a social activity for all the involved parties so it wouldn't seem like I was leaving on anything less than good terms.

I had the opportunity to practice something I'm working on: speaking my mind, and sticking up for myself. I told my client that I wasn't sure that I wanted to be the only person acting professionally in this matter, and that I wasn't sure that I wanted to be that much of a "bigger person". I also clearly expressed that the situation was poorly handled and I was getting short-changed in the process. My client agreed with me. That might not have made a difference in the scheme of things, but it was important that I communicated.

But I can't pretend it doesn't hurt. For some reason, when I experience betrayal as an adult, it triggers familiar feelings from my earliest experiences of betrayal as a child.

Damn, I'm pissed.