Class
I started writing this post in my head a few weeks ago. My mounting frustration and annoyance was developing a theme- manners. Etiquette. Whatever. Those that know me know I'm not exactly prim and proper, but I don't understand rude or distasteful behavior.
It started when I was taking Amtrak from New York City. I intentionally sit in the "quiet car" because I like to relax and unwind on my commute home. There are signs everywhere that describe what "quiet car" means: no cell phone use, and no loud conversations. Even the conductor makes the announcement as he collects tickets in the car. I settle in for a relaxing ride and as soon as the conductor leaves the car, not one, but two people sitting across from me answer their cell phones (which are supposed to be off). Similar to hearing someone answer a cell phone in the movie theatre. When another passenger tries to say something to them (after several minutes), one of them responds "I really have to take this call".
Huh? The implication is "t0 hell with the rest of us". Our relaxing ride becomes just another instance of listening to someone's oh-so-important work-related crisis conversation. Ugh!
I'm curious, do parents teach kids manners anymore? Is our move towards being a casual dress/casual attitude society leading to an extinction of good old fashioned politeness? Is it a generational thing? Is it a cultural thing? Is it because we have truly become such a melting pot of various cultures that don't agree on what "polite" is?
I think back to the lessons I learned as a child. Basic things that made sure I didn't act like a neanderthal. Behavior that shows that I respect myself and others.
*Don't eat with your mouth open.
*Don't talk with your mouth full.
*Don't spit, burp, or fart in public.
*Say "please" and "thank you"
*Respect adults / authority
*Don't be loud or obnoxious in public
*You are free to do as you'd like as long as it doesn't interfere with others
*Don't curse
*Don't litter- clean up after yourself wherever you are
And what do I see? Kids in restaurants eating as if they are eating from a trough. Adults chomping and talking with mouths wide open. Spitting (usually by men) in the street. Loud cell phone conversations anywhere and everywhere. People crashing into each other on sidewalks without so much as an "excuse me". People leaving trash behind, or worse, throwing it out their car windows. Cursing as common day language. Teenagers showing no respect for adults, talking back, being rude, or even making sexual comments. No consideration given for whether their behavior is affecting others.
I don't get it. Shouldn't we be evolving?
As I was writing this post...words from a song I sang in a musical many years ago started to play in my head: "Whatever happened to fair dealing...And pure ethics...And nice manners?Why is it everyone now is a pain in the Ass? Whatever happened to class?..."
A great song from the musical Chicago...sadly the scene was deleted from the movie.
posted by Aileen @ 2:49 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
We had so many rules growing up and I do see my sister teaching her kids the same. Even when they're driving us nuts, they still say "please" and "thank you" or "excuse me, mommy. I need a little help here, please."
I think people, in general, need to pay more attention to the world around them and to realize the impact that they make, physical and emotional, positive and negative. We need to own our actions.
Stepping/tripping/falling off the soapbox now. You just made me think.
Yesterday, I was trying to work in the main reading room of a large city library. First, a guy began talking on a cell phone. Luckily, someone else said "shhhh!" at him, and the man on the phone ended his call (but not immediately). Then, a guy sat down across from another man at a table next to me, and started to relate his day, at full volume. I heard about how much money he is expecting from a client ($20,000), his need for a new car, etc. I had to ask him to keep it down, and pointed at our surroundings and said "library." Just when I was feeling safe again, a toddler nearby began to cry hysterically. Instead of removing the kid, the mom stayed in the room and started bargaining with the kid at full volume about what ice cream she'll get if she quiets down. It didn't work. Then I complained to the staff person, who said that the "inspector" should have stopped this. Finally, I went upstairs and had to find a study room to myself.
This behavior is more prevalent now, no doubt about it. It's unacceptible, and the rude people will continue to be rude unless the rest of us risk confrontations to tell them to their face that what they are doing is not ok.
The bottom line is we live in a society of selfish people. Selfish people breed selfish little people. They all think the world evolves about them and they can do as they damn well please (with no thank you.) Children learn from the example of their parents. If they see the parents abusing cell phone use in public, how can we expect anything else from the next generation? I'm happy to say that I think my kids would pass a politeness test, with perhaps a few points deducted from my daughter's score for cell phone usage. But much of our society would fail miserably and not even wince at getting a bad grade. It's sad that good manners have become as passe as rotary dial phones. We gave up a lot when we entered into the new milennium! So how do we get it back? Is it lost forever?
I agree with Barbara in that many people are feeling more and more entitled and withdrawing more and more into a personal space and interacting less (current personal example -- there are alot of people walking in the middle of the bike paths with their earbuds in who can't hear me warn them that I'm coming by; they usually startle or yell at me as I pass. I might start smacking them in the back of the head as I go by...)
Now if Kristin's done with the soapbox (she should put some ice on that): I've been thinking about changing how we talk about our rights, in that we hardly ever explicitly recognize their attendant responsibilities: right to life = responsibility to nurture, right to vote = responsibility to be informed, right to immigrate = responsibility to participate. Trying to reformulate the Bill of Rights into a Bill of Responsibilities...
Also recommending a flawed, but still worthwhile book After Virtue by MacIntyre about how we started to stray
I agree with Ulysses and Barbara about people withdrawing more and more into personal space and interacting less. For example, here we all our communicating with each other via the internet. And as our cities get bigger, we are blocking out our surroundings because all the information coming at us can be overwhelming. I think it's scary to open ourselves up to our surroundings, to notice the people around us, and to participate in whatever might be happening at the moment - a pregnant woman or an elderly person needing a seat, for example, requiring us to relinquish our comfortable position. I feel sorry for the people who move through their day knocking into people and carrying on with someone on their cell phone and missing the opportunities to meaningfully connect with the people that are currently sharing their space. I challenge myself to notice the people and situations around me as I move through my day (maybe not 100% of the time but perhaps 50%?) I think we can only be responsible for the energy we put out into the world. And the trick is not to get sucked into the angry or anxious energy we may encounter from others. This is a very thought-provoking post. Thank you.
The 1960's opened up everything. Some of those things that were opened up were for the best - and brought feminism and the Civil Rights movement into full swing. But some of that letting go of the old paradigms did not create a more civil society.
Sigh.
I find that the ipod is invaluable on airplanes and on the train. In restaurants, I avert my eyes from other diners. It's really bad to have to plug in, but I do it.
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