A Parallel Life

Each of us spends time trying to create the life we want. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. One of the things that makes it difficult at times is that in many cases there are paths we choose that eliminate the possibility of other paths.

When I talk to friends and acquaintances that are married or have children, sometimes dreams and desires are mentioned. I'll say something naive like "That would be a great thing to do!" (like worldwide travel, starting a brand new dream career, spending money to make a radical change in appearance etc.) Often, their response is "Uh, yeah, maybe in an alternate universe." Apparently some things aren't feasible when you have chosen a particular life path.

When I was in Spain, I had the "aha" moment that I have such incredible freedom in this regard- I haven't really chosen a path that has limited me from other paths.

Or have I?

When I think about it further, I actually have made some choices. I am positioning myself in such a way to prepare for the potential of a particular life choice. Meaning, I have created the right amount of stability, and the right amount of sociability to make it possible to meet someone and make the "marriage and family" choice. I guess even when I'm not really looking for that, it's a slight assumption somewhere in me that it will, indeed, happen.

I've also made choices about my lifestyle. I own a home. I'm used to having a certain amount of discretionary income. A certain amount of luxury for myself. A certain amount of financial security. This is a path that could limit my choices of other paths.

Last week, I was talking to my friend Suzy and she verbalized exactly what I had been thinking lately: "Sometimes I think that if marriage and family aren't in the cards for me, maybe I should go to the other extreme and create an entirely different kind of life for myself."

I knew what she meant. And I started to daydream: If I knew for sure that the "traditional path" was not in the cards for me, what kind of life would I want?

I have a pretty good idea of what it would be:

I would move around to new, exciting places like I did when I was younger.

I would travel all over the world.

I would pursue multiple career choices, simultaneously.

I'd get back into acting and performing.

I would get my MBA.

I would date men that I enjoy regardless of their suitability for a long term partnership.

In a few years, I would adopt a child of my own.

My first response when thinking this is, "Duh- what's stopping you from doing these things?"

Exactly! So I think what is happening is that I am now in pursuit of my parallel life. Why did I wait so long? (Confession? Fear. I was afraid that if I became too "footloose and fancy free", I wouldn't be in one spot long enough to find my mate, and my Plan A life. I'd make "in the moment" dating decisions and spend time with men that don't want the same Plan A.)

That fear is diminishing. Bring on the alternate universe!!

So I'm curious about you. If you could have a Parallel life with the one you have now, what would it be? Or, if you can't have the life you are trying to create, what sort of life would you want?