Online Dating: The Creep Factor
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I'd be interested in your opinion on this.
Yesterday I received the following email in my online dating account:
Ms. (Reallastname),
As beautiful as ever, I see. I was never able to say that to you, but now I can...Please email me at...I'd love to chat and see how you are.
First, let me say that the use of my last name was startling and gave me a creepy feeling from the get-go. It took me several seconds to recognize the person from his photos (you know how online profile pics can be).
So who was it? A former employee of mine. Well actually, he worked for someone that worked for me. I no longer work at that company and neither does he. Nevertheless, being approached in this context, in this manner just gave me the creepiest of feelings.
Am I wrong or was it completely inappropriate for him to contact me like this?
Labels: online dating
posted by Aileen @ 8:13 AM
11 comments
11 Comments:
That definitely creeps me out. I don't know if it's inappropriate or not but it's certainly awkward.
Not inappropriate to contact you but what he said? Creepy! He could have re-introduced himself, "Hi. Remember me? I know this is awkward, but would you like to have coffee?"
See, not creepy. What he did? Creepy. Just say no. :)
I agree with Jamy, sort of.
I think it was perfectly fine for him to contact you now that you don't work together, but I agree that the way he said it is awkward. I don't think he meant to be creepy, but you obviously took it that way because, although your pic is on there, your info isn't. So, I'm guessing, you felt like someone intruded on your personal space. You decided how much you were willing to expose of yourself to strangers and when he shot past the buffer zone you set up, it was some kind of inappropriate intimacy (like on a first date where they ask too many probing questions).
Anyway, I would say pass on this for two reasons. One is his lack of socially appropriate communication (which clearly bothers you) and two because you seem to have an issue with the fact that he worked for you (or rather that he worked for someone who worked for you). I know that seems like I am reading too much into your comment, but you mentioned very little about his little billet doux, but one of the few descriptors was that he was your employee, so that obviously has weighed on your decision.
I agree with Jamy. There are better ways he could have gone about this, and obviously, he failed. My rule is definitely go with your gut... he made you feel creeped out, so say no.
That said, however, I don't think it was inappropriate for him to contact you. You're on the site. He's on the site. You no longer work together. Seems fine to me. The creepiness, though... that's another story altogether.
I think it showed that he could be a bit impulsive without thinking about what he wrote or how you could've taken it. Could lead to problems down the road... KWIM?
I agree with Jamy. How did he find you? If you have no interest, you should feel free to just tell him to get lost. However, it may have taken a lot of courage for him to contact you. If you are even just a little bit intrigued, then having coffee together wouldn't hurt anything.
Thanks all! There's no question that I'm not at ALL interested...Ninja really hit it right- I felt invaded and I don't get over that easily. And yes, it bothered me because he once worked for me, but only because I knew things about him that one normally would not know in a dating situation (not a great employee, stressed easily, no true ambition, etc. etc.). Not to mention he's just plain ole "not my type".
I was just wondering if others felt that he crossed some sort of social line. Because that's how I felt.
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Maybe it was just a spur of the moment dumb guy thing, then afterwards he thought "Duh, did I dood that right?"
or maybe he is a creep.
Or maybe his parents never taught him manners
like introducing himself right away!
I'd just ignore it...
Two months ago, I wrote a post about online dating in which I wrote that "pride is the first casualty" of online dating. I should have said that privacy is the second casualty. It is a big risk to open yourself up to the universe by online dating or otherwise. One of the risks is that you will receive creepy contacts either from people you know or people you do not know. Hopefully, however, the rewards will outweigh the risks, and you will meet, and have met, some terrific people.
d. chedwick- Yeah, I'm definitely going to ignore it.
media concepts- Good points. That last part cracked me up! :)
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