The Rules for Rebound Relationships
Apparently, when someone is getting over a love and moving on with their life, part of the process includes "getting back out there". There also seems to be a well known fact that any relationship that comes immediately after a love relationship is considered a "rebound relationship". And rebound relationships don't last. They are meant for fun and for healing.
So in light of all this, would it make sense to hurry up and have a rebound relationship, rush through it, end it, so you can move on to what could be a lifelong love with someone else? I say this partly in jest, of course. But it does make a little bit of crazy sense if you think about it. In some ways it would be like a cleansing: mind, body and spirit.
If I was a "rules" kind of gal, these would be the rules I would follow for a rebound relationship:
1. Choose someone you are insanely attracted to. The physical attraction/chemistry has to be strong enough to completely wipe out any traces of your ex.
2. Choose someone that has one of your deal-breaker traits. Whatever that may be. Maybe they are a smoker. Maybe they have children. Whatever would keep them from being "marriage material" for you.
3. A rebound relationship has to be full of frivolous fun. Lots of activity, adventure and keeping busy. No drama, no conflicts, no "struggling to make it work". Typically because of #2 above, you probably won't struggle to make it work anyway.
4. No sleepovers. Keep away from any scenario that starts to feel domestic. Breakfast together, grocery shopping, household chores, all start to feel like a real relationship. And remember- you're not ready for that.
5. No family meetings. Don't meet theirs. Don't introduce them to yours. Friends are OK though.
Years ago, I once took a six month self-proclaimed "sabbatical". No focus on finding a relationship / mate for six whole months. Ironically, I ended up dating someone for almost that entire time. We were never suited as a long term thing. But I didn't spend even one second worrying about that. Or thinking about the future. I had given myself permission to relax for six months. And I was amazingly happy. (Yes- I know there is a lesson in there.)
But I'm curious- does a rebound relationship ever turn into the "real thing"?
posted by Aileen @ 5:40 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
Isn't every relationship some sort of rebound, except that first love, which is a mess in and of itself?
I think they can turn into the real thing. They are real, if a little wonky. Of course, I also think that deal breakers can fail to break a deal when you fall for someone.
I just spent forever composing a reply, and then Blogger dumped it :(
This is interesting. I think that it would be hard to create a real relationship based on those hypothetical criteria you mention, because many of them create walls that prohibit you from really getting close to someone else-- which, in part, might be the goal of a rebound, but not a real relationship. It can be hard to change the nature of a relationship once boundaries are established, but I guess it's not impossible. I do think, though, that you can meet your next relationship at any time-- you just may have to tread more lightly if your heart was just hurt. The rebound factor doesn't have to come into play.
Timing is one factor in how relationships unfold, but it's just one. Love does whatever it wants to, whether we like it or not. Trying to have a rebound relationship sounds little cold to me, though I remember that sex with someone you'll never make a commitment to, is very very cleansing. Provocative post! Thank you.
I think it's probably good, too, to announce that it is a rebound and that's all you see it as.
May help the other person when the break happens.
kristin- I'm not sure that every relationship is a rebound. I think it depends on the level of emotional connection. And I agree with what you say about deal breakers!
MG!- it would be great if the rebound factor doesn't have to be there! I'm sure I'll update on how things go.
Reya- Yes- to deliberately treat someone like a rebound is cold. And to be honest, I'm a wimp when it comes to matters of the heart. I think at the moment I'm trying to think up any crazy way to protect myself from getting hurt again. Impossible task, I know.
Gabbatha- I get what you mean. I'm not sure I would call someone a "rebound" to their face, but to be honest about where I'm coming from. (And making sure my actions/words are in sync.)
Why not just call it a Booty Call w/an occasional date attached. What guy wouldn't want that?
Actually, this kind of thing happened a few weeks ago between me and a lady I worked with. Well... nothing really happened, but a situation arose.
She went on and on and on about how she was newly single and didn't want a boyfriend, but wanted a guy who she knew she would never end up with just to go out and spend time with...
Eventually, she started really flirting with me, asking me what I was doing after work, stuff like that. I had to tell her that I'm happily married, and I have everything I need in my wife, and I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship with her for anything.
Then it hit me. She was flirting with me, BECAUSE I was married. She knew that there was no chance of her and I getting together. How cruel is that?
Josh- I don't see the rebound as being anything like a booty call/FWB situation. The kind of scenario you suggest does not help someone get over a previous relationship. At least not for me.
And yes, that woman was cruel.
I didn't think you did. I should've stated that. I think that many people (guys at least) do, however.
Very interesting post. I agree that if a person just got out of a relationship, he or she shouldn't get deeply involved in another one immediately.
I do not agree with this one bit makes hardly any sense to me and someone can get hurt because feelings are involved...
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