Rejection

I've said it before and I'll say it again- this has been a tough year for me.

I keep getting knocked around. Unexpectedly. From all directions.

And recently I noticed a theme to my hardships: Rejection.

First, it was finally realizing the man I've been in love with for four years will never want me in his life in the way I wanted to be in his life.

Then, I was rejected by a group of people who were unhappy with a job I was doing. Which resulted in losing the project. And the money. And the valuable connection to supportive peers.

Business-wise, things have been tougher than ever. I was rejected by more than one potential client. Usually with no explanation (and sometimes no communication whatsoever).

Stumbling back into the world of dating, I met someone who was not a romantic match. But I thought he was a friendship match. I looked forward to that connection. Only to be told he had no room in his life for my friendship and would prefer to cease all communication.

And finally, I was rejected by someone I barely know. Someone I admired and respected and have wanted to get to know for quite some time. And she managed to do it without speaking to me, emailing me or sending any direct communication whatsoever.

Why is this showing up for me right now?

What else could I possibly have to learn about rejection?

I thought I learned those lessons early. My early acting career certainly exposed me to a lot of rejection. As did high school and college. I've developed a pretty thick skin. And on numerous occasions, I have proven how resilient I am. When I get knocked around, it usually motivates me to action.

As you may know, this is coming in the same year that I've been working on making myself more vulnerable. Expressing myself more. Not being afraid of confrontation. Not being afraid to reach out to someone. Not being afraid to let someone know how I feel about them.

Hmmmm...so far it does not appear to be going very well. Now what's that all about?

Oh- and don't worry. My next post will talk about how things have begun to turn around for me.