Cyberstalking

Thank GOD internet usage wasn't prevalent fifteen years ago. Or ten. There's no telling what I would have done.

I don't know how all the dating-age-teens and twenty-somethings handle it.

Years ago, I had insane tendencies if I was ever scorned by a man. I would simply flip out. Do whatever I could to cause as much chaos as possible. I wanted the man to hurt as badly as I did.

Like the time that I just knew my boyfriend was cheating on me. So I somehow figured it was a good idea to drive over his house late at night and park out front until he showed up with a woman. He did. He took off like a bat out of hell when he saw my car, and I proceeded to spend the next couple days attempting to confront him. I had to call him at work, pretend to be a customer to get him to answer the phone, and finally got the chance to unleash my wrath.

So silly. What an idiot! (Not him- me!)

Then there's the time my ex-fiance brought another woman to our bar less than two weeks after our breakup. What did I do when they attempted to make a quick escape? Followed them out to the parking lot like a stark raving lunatic, confronted them (Hey bitch- do you even know we were engaged up until two weeks ago????), and simply had a fit.

(Oh, wait. That's not a good example since the evening resulted in the woman taking off and me spending the evening with the ex. Like I said- insane.)

Thankfully, I grew up. No man has inspired that level of out of control rage in me for many, many years. I learned that if I don't trust someone and I think they are cheating, I leave. I simply avoid the drama.

But if there had been such thing as an "online presence" back in my insane days, there could have been major trouble. A friend of mine tells me about an ex that pores over his blog excessively. Another friend talks about keeping an eye on men she dates through their match profiles (what do you mean he was on match within the hour!) and through facebook (who is that new friend on his page!).

Then, I got a taste of the poison myself. Last week, I read something online that gave me the vague impression that my ex has a new woman in his life. So I read more and found another implication. Did I stop there? Of course not! My masochistic self kept looking until I ended up with not only a pretty strong confirmation, but details about the woman herself.

I felt twinges of the old tendencies begin to surface- what do I do?

I should call him!! Yes! That is what I should do!

Not because I want to talk to him (haven't spoken in months). Not because I want to hear about how things are going in his life (don't particularly care). And not even because I want him in my life (nope- better off without him).

I recognized that it was that I simply wanted to do whatever I could to cause as much chaos as possible. I wanted to hurt the man as badly as I could.

My evolved, oh-so-mature self was able to see this, take a moment, and calm down.

But if this had been 10 years ago...