Scary
A really close friend of mine was attacked last night. She called me this morning on my cell phone and didn't leave a message- which isn't quite like her. When I called her back, I was horrified to hear her story.
Last night, she was on a date with a new guy. I'm not sure if it was the first or second date, but it was definitely an early date. They met up in a very popular Shopping Centre, and at the end of the date she drove him to his car that was parked far away in the parking lot.
They sat in her car for a little while (a convertible with the top down), talking some more, and kissing a bit. She "sort of noticed" two men wandering around the parking lot. What was odd about them was the way they were dressed: black caps, black turtlenecks, black jeans. She actually thought they were cops, and jokingly said to her date "the cops are going to get us if we don't stop kissing and just say goodnight!" But she wasn't concerned enough to have any extra warnings going off in her head.
Out of nowhere, the two men rushed the car. One on one side and the other on the other. The man on the driver's side was trying to lift my friend out of the car- grabbing her by the face and the neck. She screamed as loud as she could. She was wearing four inch stiletto heels and was somehow able to get her feet in the air and kicked and kicked and kicked- for her life.
Her date at some point got out of the car, and the attacker on his side essentially beat him to a pulp. He was repeatedly kicked in the back and the face.
The attackers did not share their intentions. They did not ask for the car or their wallets or their belongings. Both my friend and her date truly felt that the attackers wanted them. My friend honestly thought she was about to die. She thought of her children and was overcome with sadness in the midst of trying to fight for her life.
Yes, people heard their screams. She said people pulled up in their cars but didn't get too close. She could see them on their cell phones. Since she and her date didn't stop screaming, and people seemed to be hearing them, eventually the two attackers ran off.
Twenty minutes later the cops arrived. (This is in a very popular residential/shopping/dining area, too.) And they didn't treat my friend very well. No real compassion or empathy. I've seen that before when I was involved in a violent crime. I'm not sure how well cops are trained to handle traumatized victims.
I'm concerned for my friend. She is clearly in shock- she hasn't shed a tear, claims she feels "disconnected". She was afraid to stay home alone last night. When she woke up this morning she had that anxiety feeling in her stomach- that feeling that nothing will ever be quite the same again. She forced herself to go into work because she didn't want to sit home alone and think about it all day. She has no desire to see the date again, and feels guilty as hell about that. (He went to the hospital and is essentially OK.) She keeps seeing flashes of the men running towards the car and can't seem to get that image out of her head. I'm trying to encourage her to see a professional to try to minimize any post-traumatic stress that could happen.
Thank God that she is physically OK. That she survived. My friend is grateful for that too. Apparently that makes it a little complicated too- the whole "why am I so upset, it could have been much worse" issue. It's almost like she feels guilty about being so upset about what happened.
Yes- bad things happen to people. But it seems like we should all be better at handling it when it happens to someone else. The cops. The witnesses. Had she called me, I would have been there in a heartbeat. Her daughter fortunately was able to go get her and stay with her.
It has come to mind that while I am extremely cautious when I'm alone or with a girlfriend, I have a tendency to completely relax if I am with a man. I know it doesn't make logical sense, but it's what happens. Can't do that anymore. When can we relax? At home? In broad daylight? In a crowd? Being cautious and careful can be draining. And stressful. And sometimes fruitless.
I'm not sure what my point is with this post. I just know I feel sad and angry. I feel like the word "why" has been going through my head a lot lately.
posted by Aileen @ 10:04 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
I am truly sorry that this happened to your friend. Nobody should have to go through something like that. It's so easy to take away someone's peace.
That is extremely scary.
Regardless of why, I'm glad that your friend was OK!!!
Everyone can empathize after the fact and that's fine, but it's also important to try to take steps before the fact to increase personal safety. In this case, sitting in the parking lot kissing with the top down doesn't sound like a great idea. That just screams vulnerability and inattention. Keeping that top up probably would have avoided the attack and made the occupants of the car less noticeable, or maybe totally unnoticeable.
I'm disappointed in the police. I grow more and more disappointed with them the more I hear about these kinds of ordeals. The witnesses could have honked horns or something.
Yes, police in this town are pathetic and incompetent.
That "shutting down" feeling is common in people with post-traumatic stress disorder. Your friend should really get some help.
I am so sorry. I think we should all be aware of our surroundings, and for me, this post suggests how important it is for us to take notice of other people's needs and try to help.
Kristin, anon,- thanks, I'm glad she's OK, too! And I don't think anyone has the right to take away someone's peace. It's just tragic.
media- "everyone can empathize after the fact and that's fine"- true but not everyone does. Also- it rubs me the wrong way when someone's first reaction is to point out what the victim did wrong that caused the attack. My friend is more than a little aware of the things she could have done differently- which adds even more to the difficulty of the situation.
MA- exactly! Some of the witnesses said they thought it was just kids playing around. (I can't imagine that the sound of a grown woman and grown man screaming at the top of their lungs sounded like kids, but whatever.)
Ninja- yeah, I'm going to continue to encourage her to get some help.
el- yes, those are my thoughts as well. Thank you.
Ugh. This is really scary, and I hope your friend is doing as well as possible.
It's ridiculous that it took the police so long to arrive, especially in a populated area.
How terrifying! My gosh, I'm so glad she's OK. And yes what Peter said - she's got PTSS- who wouldn't?
Sometimes it takes time to come out of a horrendous experience like that. If your friend is in shock for awhile, unable to cry, I would honor that. Shock is a useful mechanism. At some point, though, I do hope she gets some assistance. Even a massage would be good.
As for where we can relax, that's a good question. Being alert is always a good idea, even when relaxed. I think about pics I've seen of lionesses, perfectly relaxed yet ready to move into action at a moment's notice.
Parking lots always creep me out. Now I have one more reason to avoid them whenever possible.
Many healing thoughts headed in your friend's direction, and towards you, too. Sometimes it can be really hard to witness a friend going through something so difficult. Take good care!
I don't want to at all belittle what happened to your friend, because I think it's terrible, truly terrible. I just wanted to say that what happened to her isn't uncommon, unfortunately.
There's a psychological term for it that I'm blanking on, but essentially if a person is attacked or even like hurt (i.e. goes into a seizure or whatever) in front of a large group of people, they're less likely (not more likely) to get adequate help, because everyone assumes that its someone else's responsibility/that someone else will step in. That's what makes stories like Wesley Aubrey's so amazing.
I always think that this fact that people are disinclined to help in group situations should be well publicized so that more people will go against their natural inclination and step in.
As for what your friend did wrong. Nothing. A co-worker of mine always said, and I think he's right, that even if you leave your car unlocked with the keys in the ignition, doesn't give someone the right to steal your car. 99% of us wouldn't steal the car, and we shouldn't have to structure our lives around that 1%. So even if your friend had been in the car with a giant sign that said attack me, the fault still lies with the criminals not with your friend.
This story left me with a sick feeling in my stomach. The idea that they would be attacked without a motive for theft is reminiscent of the violence in Clockwork Orange. I hope Northern Virginia hasn't stooped so low. I hope your friend will continue to reach out to you and to professionals because she has experienced real trauma.
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